write "morning pages"

“’Know thyself?’ If I knew myself, I’d run away.”
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

This is probably true for me at least. I really don’t feel like I know myself. I try to convince myself that I do, but I wonder about me sometimes.

I am out of tablets. Its a bad excuse that I’ve used before, I know.

I am going to get a tablet…right NOW. And write. Get out all this valuable poignant anxiety. The tightness in my chest.

My outsides are reflecting onto my insides.

I need to let my insides out, perhaps then I’ll feel better.

I have been doing them for four days so far and want to continue as I can really see their value. The first two days I didn’t get round to it in the morning and I could really tell the difference when I did them properly. It set me up for the day.

I have started with the goal of writing 1 A4 page each morning. Three smaller pages would be fine but I will be daunted if I aim for that with the pad I am using right now. One page seems natural and I will aim for more after a while if it’s going well.

I fell of the morning pages bandwagon too, which is dumb because writing my 3 pages every morning makes the world of difference.

Tomorrow I’ll start again.

this morning pages train. I’m getting back on it, now. It doesn’t matter that it’s 4:48pm. I can still do them. And I will. I vow to start today. I vow to forgive myself for my past mistakes. Forgiveness is an attribute of the strong so Ghandi says.

Still going strong with this one, although I am using a little book as opposed to a big A4 book to write my pages. Am I cheating?

Never mind, it is working! I feel a bit clearer every morning.

I’ve been forcing out my 3 pages each day. I have to trust that this practice makes a difference.

I’m getting back on track. I was definitely feeling a difference when I wasn’t doing them and now that I’m back I feel the creativity flowing. It’s amazing.

I wrote morning pages for the first time in weeks today. Felt good and helped clarify my thoughts.

so far I’m on a 2 day hiatus. I feel mentally bankrupt. I need inspiration. I know I can find it in the pages I’m not taking the time to look though. I need to find it in the pages. I need a good artist’s date, too.

Writing these over the weekends has really been a challenge for me and I did it this weekend. I’m so proud of myself. It’s about the only goal I really accomplished with full gusto this weekend but it’s something!