stop picking my face

i think so.
i just went to the bathroom and when i looked in the mirror, i started picking my face and then i thought about how just just left the fucking computer and made a list that said i’d stop picking my face and what the hell and then i stopped and came back and wrote this.

was i just the act of making a list, or what?
some weird psychological phenomenon just happened to me and i have no idea what it was.

It’s the worst it’s ever been. I can’t stop. I make myself bleed in public. I don’t even want my husband to look at me. Btw I married my bf since I started this goal.

I picked again… ugh.. why do I hate myself this much…

I need to count the days I don’t pick. I don’t know why it helps, but it does. I guess it makes me feel more motivated to quit.

(I’ll try again. Must quit this stupid habit.)

13 days since my last entry & my skin was looking flawless. But now, as with evey month, with period comes breakout. This will be the test. All I have to do is not touch my face for the next few days and the zits will go away; but if I pick them then they will stay.

I got my nails done yesterday & they look super sexy- but the best part is that I cant pick my face (which is driving me CRRRAAAZZZY!!) But no worries- I know soon I’ll just stop trying & leave my face alone. That is until the next time I decide to wear my natural nails- then begin picking my face again- only to then realize the reason I started wearing false nails to begin with.

I didn’t touch my face at all today! Well once- But I couldn’t help it! That damn tiny blemish was asking for it! But no worries-it’s the weekend & most of the self inflicted damage I incurred over the past 2 weeks has healed.

New job…my only son is starting kidnergarten, No money. My husband works from sun up til sun down….Never finished anything…Does anyone realy care…I know, I know. Why do I do this. Fear of rejection? Fear of acceptance? What is it I realy want. To run in a field of wild flowers with my son with a camera following my every move…like that will ever happen. I have picked my face since I was 12. Why? Meds. and Docs. What is the chemical happiness I am getting from this. I hide from people and places, protected from the world. Sheltered by self abuse. On a good day The sun shines on my face warming it, making me forget all about the self inflicted lonliness. I am happiest when my face is clear. Why is that not enough?

I can’t believe I’m admitting to picking my face; this is such a disgusting habit that i’ve had since I hit puberty. luckily as I’ve aged my skin has cleared up. But still, I hate the feeling of a bump or zit on my face- so I pick at it- initially thinking I’m doing good- but 98% of the time it only makes things worse (red, inflamed, bloody, crusty [bleeeck!!]) Plus I have really dark skin which is more prone to scars & long lasting /permanent discoloration. sometimes I don’t even realize I’m doing it.
However, I discovered that when I wear false nails I am prevented from picking my face. I was doing good for months- until I stopped going to the salon- so it looks like I now have a valid justification for why I need to go to the salon on a regular basis.

am feeling so hopeless right now i don’t think i’ll ever stop picking my face am numb and i don’t feel like trying all over again my hopes are down and i can’t find a way out right now i really just want to die and get it over with

ouch