Stop focussing on negatives

So I’m thinking, this new camera I just got in the mail, it has no light meter, and no real manual, and it’s film, so it’s a real throwback. But I already think I like it. If it produces good pictures at least. But now I have to either buy a light meter or guess on the available light. Or use another camera with a light meter alongside it, which seems a waste. Weird.

It’s a Soviet-era Leica rangefinder knockoff. I got it for dirt on Ebay. Kewl.

Bitterness is a waste of my time and energy. I should be heeding that and instead I’ve been feeding it. I started out last week with a swash of old negative energy when I found out my ex-gf from last year was falling in love with someone else while she was telling me “it’s all about her old trauma and decisions” as she was holding off on finalizing our breakup, and even after putting the last nail in. I knew there was more than she could bear to say but it pissed me off nonetheless to finally hear I was right and she was a liar. On top of that, she’s pregnant with the guy’s baby. Fine, congratulations… I don’t care to have any more contact with her and cut her out of my list. But today in a fit of I don’t know what I looked on her site and saw she’d reposted the blog entry that I already took down mixing bitterness with congratulations. Like she’d been baiting me and I rose to the bait. And it is still simmering, and I still know it’s a waste, but I’m going to ride it out and purge it and whatever other metaphor you might have for leaving her and it in the dust, as I thought I had before reading her admission last Monday. It’s not worth it, I have better things to focus on, and it is disappointing to know that I can still be dragged down into it at this late date. Charming, indeed. It sucks to be so on-point with an entry like this one! lol Dammit.

Which was tragic. But on the positive side,

1. She’s no longer suffering
2. She died in my arms, not alone
3. She lived a good long time, 15 1/2 years
4. I will keep her ashes near me and have pictures with it so I will remember her personality
5. I wrote a poem anticipating this a few months ago, and now I can share it with people

Also,

6. I don’t have to worry about her well-being, so I’ll get more sleep
7. I can clean up her living area and keep it clean
8. She is a symbol of the best parts of my last 15 years and now that my life is taking different turns her death marks the beginning of what is new, and closure for what is old
9. I can travel more now, even stay overnight
10. I may have more emotional energy for friends

I can spin anything, can’t I? I miss her.