chill out

It’s hard for me to believe how hard this is for me to do. I tried to relax today and found it amazingly difficult.

I found some help here:
http://www.wikihow.com/Relax

I’ve just been so high strung for so damn long it’s hard to come back down. I’ve already started a lot of things on the relax list, and will try to do everything there to find what suites me best.

that when in a relationship, I notice myself getting cranky after 2 days without sex. Now, seeing as I’ve had sex (and not that satisfying) maybe 5 times in the last 6 months I suppose I could see how I’d be on edge.

I have an odd relationship with masturbation it seems. I noticed when J and I were broken up the last time and I was so sad, I rarely had the desire. I almost feel pathetic pleasuring myself, unsexual, unsexy. As a supplement to a relationship, somehow it seems better. when he was in jail, but we were still “together” it was just fine. IDK.

sigh, besides, who has time or privacy for such things?

think making themselves burp while drinking their juice and saying excuse me and then cracking up is hilarious….

I get all bent out of shape. Please use your manners. Do you want to be all done with your juice? That is gross! them: I said excuse me!

My son, 15, aka my consultant says, let them burp, they are 3, they’ll stop if I don’t react.

So I ignored it today. I think it worked a little but they still find it hilarious.

think making themselves burp while drinking their juice and saying excuse me and then cracking up is hilarious….

I get all bent out of shape. Please use your manners. Do you want to be all done with your juice? That is gross!

My son, 15, aka my consultant says, let them burp, they are 3, they’ll stop if I don’t react.

So I ignored it today. I think it worked a little but they still find it hilarious.

to vent about her in laws and her new job.

I haven’t bothered to say anything about how I feel wronged. It doesn’t really matter. I really don’t think I’d have been happy working with her anyway, she doesn’t get it. I still care about her as a friend but she’s young, has a lot of growing to do, hopefully she does ok. She still has a good heart and is a hard worker…

I need some better coping skills. I’ve always been so emotional…

I went into this business again knowing it was tolerable if I had someone to work with and she bailed on me.

I’ll make the best of it but am really wishing I had a partner or assistant.

my days will be so much more peaceful with C off to Kindergarten. That child was such a huge challenge. Maybe had I been emotionally and physically stronger I could have handled him better. :(

find time to relax…I get an alone moment to soak my badly aching back and my mind is racing so much about all the stuff I need to do that I can’t even enjoy it for very long.

secondly, I was much better with C today. I got angry first thing this morning when he tried to test me about going to the potty but my son talked me through it. I was sure to praise him a lot and tried to look at him with a different perspective.

My 15 year old son starts high school in a few days and it will be a much needed break for him I’m sure, lol. He has been my emotional support and sounding board far more than is appropriate. He is a dear. I do need more female friends I suppose but everyone has sort of gone their seperate ways or are very busy with their own lives…

was rough. I let him get to me again. I dared speak to him about something that bothered me and it turned into the typical attacks and insults and weapons. I fall right into the trap every time. I believe it’s true and I cry. Lucas talked some sense into me. I took a walk and just tried to breathe.

He became increasingly pissed and cruel and told me I could no longer use his car. I have paid him for the car already this month but I am too much of a pansy to ask for a refund because I know it will turn into attacks about how very much he has done for me and I owe him or something.

cried so much in all of my life as in these past few months. Not just crying either, gut wrenching sobs. The devestation and humiliation overtake me to the point that I become uncontrollable…like a child. Many times in front of my kids but many times I go hide too… It’s becoming fewer and farther between. To tell you the truth I thought I was strong again but a minor set back, a realization and I’m low again.