be grateful for what I have

Everytime my mind goes into circles about what things didn’t go the way I wanted…why o why? Did i not complete that question on the exam…so I could get 83 or 85 instead of 77, I’ll remind myself to be truly, truly grateful for what GOD has given me. I’ve been given innumerable second chances. If remember clearly the last time I made a pact with GOD, I said, “God just get me out of this tricky situation once & then I’ll be so sincere.” But I didn’t live up to my words.

This time slow and stead I will.

I am learning to count them every day. =)

Each night as I fall asleep I try to think of 5 things that I am particularly grateful for that day…
Yesterday:
1. People who want you to be happy, ie, my best friend who when I was having a rough day picked me up, took me to an art show, listened to me whine for hours, rented a fashion documentary for us to watch, prepared berries and cake and begged me to spend the night. Amazing.
2. Fashion documentaries.
3. Berries and cake.
4. Unexpected twists.
5. Sunshine.

Of course there are grander things to be thankful for, but I think the little things are important too.

I am thankful for,
My health, I read the other day about a woman who was passionate about music and doctors told her she will go deaf. And the boy who loves to dance but it might leave him paralyzed… very sad.
My friends, I know some great people.
My home,I live in a nice flat in a nice area and don’t pay high rent.
That I live in a peaceful country (no war)
I am thankful for my gym membership as I love to exercise.
I am thankful it is sunny today.

San Francisco.

The Web 2.0 boom, thanks to which I am now earning more money than ever before in my life. Enough to live in San Francisco and save money.

After years of being a shy, nerdy guy who had no clue about the social world, suddenly I am popular with women.

I have incredibly good health.

Caltrain. Thanks to Caltrain, it’s quite convenient to commute to Silicon Valley and live in San Francisco. Thank you, Jackie Speier (and everyone else who made and runs Caltrain, including all the taxpayers who subsidize it).

In 2000, I learned Extreme Programming, and in 2001, I learned improvisational comedy. These brought me out of a serious doldrum, and have given me skills and courage to try and succeed at many things since.

Many people have advised me or given me help over the years. Two especially big ones are my improv teacher and the friend who found me a job in 2000.

My friend Asim, from Pakistan, with whom I have exchanged more than 10,000 email messages, all of them thoughtful and interesting.

My friend Robbie, who saved me in calculus and real analysis, all over the phone or through Skype.

My past girlfriends. They introduced me to love, sex, themselves, and much more.

Madhur Jaffrey’s Indian cookbooks.

Indian grocery stores.

My stove, my refrigerator, and my dishwasher.

The fact that even at my relatively late age (41), I can still seriously pursue a Ph.D. with the aim of becoming a professor.

Cats.

The fact that the world is filled with possibilities beyond imagining, and that I have the attitude to explore beyond what’s familiar and find many of these wonderful surprises.

Did I mention San Francisco? I love this town.

Lately I’ve been getting in this rut of complaining about what I want instead of thinking about what I have. Someone pointed that out to me in a roundabout way and, while I can’t say I appreciated it at the time, it’s made me realize that it’s time to stop whining. I’m not quite sure about the best way to go about this, but I think for now I’ll try to find one thing every day that I’m grateful for. It shouldn’t be too hard. :)

I hate complaning about stupid shit – and I feel like I dwell on nonsense all the time. I dont feel like I fall prey to materialism – although I’m always shopping, so maybe I am what I claim to loathe (a mindless consumer).

Anyhow, minus my shopping compulsion, over the past few weeks I’ve been able to reevaluate whats really important in life. This was due the people that I have been working/serving at work. On thanksgiving I met a mother and four children living n a shelter, since then (and on Xmas ans New years) I have been trying to help them find a home. Its been really devastating seeing these four children (ranging ages 17 years – 3 months) spend the holidays in confined, dirty and degrating shelters. They Do Not deserve that… but I guess no one really does. One things for sure, the system is failing miserably, because they are only one of MANY families living like that.

Anyway, having one more pair of jeans, or another lip gloss is not going to make me any happier or a better person, in that case. Being with family, having your health, having a roof over your head, and caring about others (especially those in most need), that is what really matters…

And so I am tempted to check this one off my list, but its not until I: 1) stop complaning about shit, 2) stop shopping compulsively, and 3) Spend quality time with others, then I will cross this one off….