Im so sorry….
I hate myself for not being brave enough or adult enough to
keep up with you all but it felt just so hard and I hate now that
I have come on and had caused some concern. I feel selfish and pathetic.
I don’t deserve such thoughts.
Im finding myself in a low dark place that has come with such pace and mean-ness that Ive been at aloss how to just be.
I can not say why it has decended, I am still in it trying to work it out. For me it has come so forcefully that its left me questioning so much. I must be so weak to let this happen at the speed and strenghth it has.
I hate myself for this.
I hate the weakness and the self indulgence.
It only fuels self loathing and my anger with myself.
I know its an illness, but the cruelness seems so personal.
I know I will get through this…....I have before.
Only this time it feels so much more mocking as I felt I had made some progress and enjoying the balance I had worked at.
I now know I hav’nt worked enough.
I feel foolish.
I want to truely thankyou all for your loving thoughts and support,
I wept just reading them tonight.
Tears for myself but much more in gratitude of love.
I think, know, you are such wonderful friends.
I hope to thank you all personally but at the moment Im still teary and feeling so small.
(((((hugs)))) to you all
Love
Paula
x
Entries
As always I am delighted yet suprised when I have
new sub’s join me : D
Its been a while since I said hello and welcome
and offered up some yummy cakes : )
I hope to get to know you & your goals,
and thankyou for visiting this little corner of 43T : D
Knowing I have some sub’s out there keeping me company
is a wonderful feeling.
To my not so new sub’s, youre all totally awesome…..Im
very blessed indeed : )
(((hugs)))
x
p
Im struggling at the moment to find/make time to get
any internet time, therefore Ive missed 43things : (
Im busy with extra work commitments that I was offered unexpectedly.
This is great as I get some extra pennies for christmas, and thankfully my crafting ‘speedathon’ is out of the way : )
(thankyou all who urged me through my whinge & panic ! )
To be truthful, I really want to play : D
Everyone seems so energised & I want to join in with you all.
I want to bond with the other INFJ’s…yes, Im one, guilty as charged.
I want to play in the spooky 43T Halloween party & have Vetch
read me the cards.
Mostly I want to catch up with you all, but my heads just fizzing with preparations, workshop plans, emergency childcare needs etc.
So, Im on a break from here for a little while…
If I can, Ill pop on to cheer, the thought of cheer’s going unused makes me just shudder !!
Have a fantastic week everyone…....my, you know Im missing here already : (
x
p
Question ?
How many cheer’s do you think it takes to
cheer bomb someone ?
Is is relative to how many you have to give ?
Or, do you give them all, no matter how many you have ?
Im pondering this because of a cheerbomb goal
Id like to set up.
Cheers can be so elusive sometimes,that three
given to me at once feels like a cheer bomb : )
ps: Im hoping for idea’s from you guys, please any comments are most welcome : )
thanks
x
My son’s new teacher at junior school, is an absolute joy : )
She has the perfect combination of imagination, energy, discipline,
enthusiasm and a love of her profession.
For the past few weeks she has been teaching simple massage
techniques to her class & each day they have been giving & receiving
head & shoulder massages to each other.
Not only that they have a relaxation journal in which after the massage they jot down how they feel etc.
She has been teaching them the importance of ‘breathing’ and stillness, all with what it seems really positive leaps.
My son, thinks the whole deal is wonderful.
We are having some amazing conversations about how it makes him feel & him being aware of how his classmates feel.
He is also encouraged by his teacher to try out his
new skills at home.
We are as you can imagine eager participants.
Having your child carefully & mindfully give
you a head massage is a joyous, heart swelling thing.
: )
This morning Ive had some time to
tidy my very cluttered computer & well
you know, delete : )
Ive just checked my junk mail & found
several 43t’ers replies in there,
in amongst the viagra spam !!! :0
Ive no idea how this happened but
it seems all around the same date’s.
Grrr!
So, tonight I’ll be replying to those post’s
& hope that you all don’t think me a rude,
ignorant so and so for not doing earlier.
Sorry.
Ive been doing well recently,
feeling good,
treating myself kind.
Today I spoke to someone I love, but was angry with.
I was assertive for once, calm but clear.
Now….
....I feel like crap.
Why do I do this ?
I don’t regret the things I said,
I know that the relationship we have
will get back on track after the dust settles.
Yet still Im weighted by my own actions,
actions that if a friend had done, I would support.
Being your own friend is hard sometimes.
For some reason this past two weeks
I have had some new subscribers : )
I am, as Ive posted before thrilled,
suprised and happy this is so : )
I am looking forward to chatting
and learning more about your goals.
Of course, you may like to be ‘quiet’ I
do this myself.
(Quite a few of my sub’s dont know
Im enjoying their posts).
However, I wanted to say ‘Thankyou’ to you.
Its a cosy feeling
to know you are out there,
you are very much appreciated : )
So Im leaving you flowers and cakes,
((hugs))
p
x
Big suprise this morning.
My fab hubby & brother have been plotting
and I was told this morning to pack for a few days away ! YaY !!
They have booked last minute, a cottage in Northumberland near Lindisfarne.
Whoop, Whoop, Whoop!
So… me and my foot are hobbling off for a 5 day ‘break’, no pun intended : )
Im SO excited.
I love that part of the country and Id rather rest up there than at home
amongst the rubble and no kitchen !
Ive not been away with my brother & sister-in- law for ages, so its just wonderful.
The six of us will have a grand old time.
PLUS… I get to be beside the sea : D
Well, Im off to find a fancy sock to cover my plaster and wish you all a really great week.
(Big thanks for the well wishes, you guy’s are fantastic : )
x
