visit my college buddies before they disown me

Since Christopher was working all damn weekend, I spent this past Saturday night in my college town with the old peeps.

Mixed feelings.

On one hand, it was really great to sit around and have a few (too many) beers while talking about old times. On the other hand, I finally came to terms with the fact that that’s just not my life anymore. For way too long, I held onto the belief that I belonged THERE and HERE was just a layover. Not so, Melissa. Not so. That place just isn’t home to me now, and it kind of hurt a little. I still love my friends, and it was like no time at all had passed when we all got together, but yeah…I am not a part of THERE now. I’ve moved on from there, and when I realized I had and they’re still living like we used to, I didn’t get jealous. I felt a little sad, a little disappointed in them, you know?

I guess this trip served two purposes: 1, I saw my buddies and had a great time talking about the way things used to be, and 2, I came to understand how much happier I am with the way things are NOW.

In the next few weeks, Jess will move to the Great White North and another close college friend will return to his home country to do a year of military service. I’ve got to get up there soon to say goodbye. The problem is, I hate goodbyes, I’m no good at them and they put me in a funk for weeks (for example, N and M’s departure and the ensuing whining). I’ve got to do it. Jess is one of my oldest friends. I don’t know why I feel so…nothing. That’s it! That’s the freakin’ problem. When I think about her leaving, I don’t really feel anything. We’ve drifted apart over the past little while – mainly because I think moving across the country with a dude you met two months ago is a pretty freakin’ dumb decision – and now, when I think about her leaving, I don’t care. The other friend, on the other hand, I’m dreading that goodbye, ‘cause in my mind the military equals death.

For some good news, pretty soon I’ll be getting together with three other friends (we dubbed ourselves “the Fearsome Foursome” back in the day) to catch up, drink and probably rehash old times til the wee hours. That girl and those two dudes…man…I hadn’t thought about how much I missed ‘em til the idea of a reunion tour was mentioned out of the blue. I’m sure it’ll be a good time.

It just has to be done. I’ve been asked to visit. I’ve been told to visit. There was an attempt at some weird blackmail – but really, when I know more stupid things you’ve done, can YOU really blackmail ME?

I miss ‘em…and I want to go see ‘em before they stop missing me!