speak my mind

He said, “I love you.”

And nothing feels as horrible as saying those words and not hearing them said right back.

And I thought to myself that there’s no reason why I shouldn’t love you back, that you deserve that I love you back, that this feeling that I have for you- I think I do wanna call it love.

So I said, “I love you too.”

And the moment I hung up the phone, I regretted it.

I’ve always been one to speak my mind and it has gotten me into trouble with others. However, I feel that it is time for us to stand up for ourselves and not let others determine our actions, the way we feel or respond to others. To speak for yourself is the best thing you can do for yourself. People I know call it selfish, I call it wonderful.

I rarely speak my mind because I just don’t want to embarrass myself, that I might say something stupid or I might cause friction with somebody else’s ideas. I just don’t want to brush shoulders, you know? But the thing is, it’s not doing me any good because I feel like I’m a doormat that says “WELCOME! PLEASE WALK ALL OVER ME!” It’s always somebody else’s plans and not mine. Sometimes I just feel worthless because I don’t have a say in such things.

In high school I had an opinion on everything, now I don’t often offer my opinion; I finally realized people don’t want to be told what to do, people don’t want advice. When something affects me directly I usually don’t say anything, grin and bear it. I have found I too often get the short end of the stick so it is time I started to make a little noise.

I tend to put others before myself, I try to protect peoples feelings, but it usually does more harm than good. Good intentions, poor execution. Thought reason action. More action!

I actually brought up some issues with my boyfriend, so yay me! I always hate making a big deal out of the little things that upset me in our relationship. But I’m beginning to realize that if I just keep things inside and don’t say what’s bothering me, it ends up hurting him even more, because I get all distant and he has no idea why. He’s always told me to just talk to him about things, and we can work them out. And I think I’m finally beginning to understand that.

A lot of the times I don’t take up issues with people because I think that they’ll think they’re really trivial, or I’ll get a really obvious answer, or they’ll get offended that I asked. But some things really bother me. Like the fact that yesterday at the mall my boyfriend and I ran into a friend from one of his college classes and he didn’t say I was his girlfriend and he hasn’t changed his facebook profile back to being in a relationship since we got back together. And today I’m going to bring those things off, because they bother me a lot, even if they are stupid. I’m allowed to have feelings and have the right to show them.

I have so much bottled up inside, and I know it’s such a habit now and it’s hard to stop. But I have so much that I want to say. When someone asks me how I feel about something, my first feeling is fear. What if I sound stupid? I haven’t always been this way. It started about ten years ago in college. I am not sure what triggered it, but I just don’t have the confidence I used to have. I remember struggling with it when the fear first came upon me then, and I really beat it for a while, but these days I still feel that fear getting in my way somtimes. Not always, but enough that I notice. I just want to feel sure of myself again. I am smart. I have always done well in school and all areas of study. What is wrong with me? I want to be proud to speak my mind. I want to be respected for my opinions, because I have so much love for the world and I want to share it. ...Argh.

speak it… but not so much everyone gets freaked out. there is a limit

for me to speak my mind when it comes to problems im having… i bottle my emotions in too much im scared of what people think when i talk about my problems so i just keep them in. i need to work one not caring what people think and just SPEAK MY MIND.

I must stop feeling shy about my thoughts. I have some great creative thoughts, which die in my mind, I want to express them without fear of shame, ridicule ,etc…..