be loved

Maybe I should count this goal as done,but it’s not what I want from it/expect.One of my favourite professors made a little speech in front of the class about me.She praised me all over the place :] But later I found out her cancer is back…that made me feel really bad for her.I really love her,as a person.

I saw the man I love today…haven’t talked much tho.I don’t think we will ever be able to be together.I need to move on[as I have been trying to lately],but it’s not really working out.I think that’s because I don’t want to let go.

Oh boy…I just had to add this as one of my first goals LOL I wonder how this all goes.I don’t expect to do all of these stuff actually.Dreaming and making the list is part of the fun too :D But I really want someone to be here for me now and love me.I miss that lately…more and more.

If someone would just love me then my life would be OK.But my life is frankly quite bad.I self-harm and have some sort of depression,but I might have the strength to keep trying another day if I felt loved by someone.I keep trying to kill myself,but I’m going to try to stop now because even though I am unloved,I will still try and devote my life to others to help them,even if I am miserable.
I hope one day i will be as much loved as I feel love for other people.I set this goal for myself,but I doubt it will be fulfilled.
Wish me Luck!
xx

im done hiding out in the shawdows saying its just best to love yourself because its not….u feel lonely and heartache every step u take realizing without love youll never survive

I am so loved, and so lucky to have the friends and family that love me. The reason I don’t feel loved is because of me. I need to love myself a little better.

I put too much importance on finding self worth from other people. But, to be honest, I’m obsessive about something as casual as my friends. They are everything to me. My life. Everything. I’m not sure how much people really understand that. So when I lose touch with people… feel them drift away from me… it hurts, you know? I feel I can only really be myself around them. Well, now that’s not true either. I’ve never really been myself around anyone cause I wouldn’t even know who the hell that person was if I wanted to. But I digress. I want to be loved. To know that if I were to be gone the next day, someone would actually give a crap and would kill to get me back. Yeah. But who am I to say that I even deserve that? I don’t know. All I know is that’s what I want.

I’ve given up searching for such a luxury. I’ll never enjoy the feeling of loving and being loved in return. Yeah, I love and respect my family (even though they think I’m a waste of space most of the time), I have never met anybody that will properly care for me the way I personally need to be. I want to find a best friend in somebody that would equally want to experience and enjoy things in life together with me. I’d travel the world with her, write for her, listen to her, respect her. It’s cruel because I’ve learnt what it’s like to be a boyfriend through all my friends; I can see what they do wrong. They lack respect and they are careless.

I’ve had a girlfriend, only one, and nothing really happened, so I’m stuck here wondering what I’m missing. This loneliness has lead to depression.

I’ve given up searching.

I am constantly caught up in the whirlwind of romance. Always hoping this is the one time, this is the one place, this is the one outfit that will make it happen, etc. And so far, that strategy has been dismally unsuccessful for me. And I’m going to be honest with you, I’m quite a catch! I have a lot to offer in a relationship. But then again, maybe that’s why I’m still alone, I’m intimidating. In any event, I had a long talk with my father today and he reminded me a something from my childhood. When I was younger I had an obsession with butterflies. So for a vacation one summer my dad took me to a butterfly exhibit in Canada. And all I wanted was for a butterfly to land on me. I was so desperate to have a butterfly land on me, literally to the point where I was chasing these butterflies. However, it wasn’t until I gave up and sat still that a butterfly finally landed on me. The moral to the story is this, stop chasing the wind. You will scare everyone away trying to grab onto things that are not yours. Love is equally as delicate as a butterfly and all you can do is sit back and wait for it to land on you.

I want to REALLY be loves. Not by one of those jackasses either. I mean someone who wants the very best for me && will do whatever to get it. Thats how i am and i cant be the only person in the world like that…

i wanna be loved cose i’m felling bit lonley no girlfriends none