Hear the direction of my internal compass and run that way with all my might

For a while now I’ve had this ambition to become a Psychologist and I’ve decided it’s what I want to do with my life. It’s going to take many years, but I think I’m heading in the right direction

I feel like I’m being pulled to pack up and move ship to Europe. Maybe it’s more just constantly travel. I’m not sure. It’s really a strong feeling though.

I finalized my apartment down south today. I’m exhausted. But happy I did it. For the first time, in my life, I made a decision based entirely on my desire to be who and what and where I want to be. I am here, with the people I love, my family, my support, and I’m terrified, but exhillerated.

Today is the day. I’ve got most of my stuff packed, I’ve got the UHaul scheduled for 11am. I’ve got my best friend coming up to help with the heavies and I’m on my way North. New beginnings, yet returning to an old life in a way. Set to move up, move in and move ahead. Start back to school in January. I’m nervous, but I’m thrilled to have those I hold most dear in my corner, cherring me on. Thanks to my 3 man (and woman) cheerleaders. xoxo B

Next weekend, I will be beginning to move up north with the people I cherish. I’m scared and excited. I am nervous to find a new job but I know God will guide me in the right direction. This decision has been very difficult for me as it has meant that I’ve had to stand up to my aunt and uncle and tell them what they thought was right for me, was wrong to me. I did work up the nerve, after I gave notice to my job. I am working hard to find a new job and get prepared for the financial struggles I know are sure to come. In the back of my mind, I know I’m doing what is right for my boys and myself, but it’s so difficult not to question yourself. I feel as though any move toward finishing my education, cannot be a mistake. Whatever pitfalls come, I will deal with them. I have thought this through for about six months now and I believe I’m making the right choice. As I said, it’s just difficult not to doubt yourself. Especially when you have two little ones depending on you to make the right choices.

I’m actively seeking employment in my northern locale. I have decided firmly that I am moving north as of the middle of October and moving closer to my family/friends. I’m nervous to move and start over again. I’m nervous and sad to leave my job and I’m not sure how I’m going to tell my aunt and uncle. But I truly feel as though this is what’s best for me and my kids. Even though they don’t see it that way. They are the two people in the world it’s hardest to stand up to. They seem wise and experienced and successful. How do I tell them I think they are wrong in what I need? It won’t be easy, but I’ll be stronger for it. I’ll be able to finish school so much more quickly and my kids will have their dad closer….not to mention the 3 people completely devoted to helping me experience love and laughter and great relationships. :-)

I think I finally have found the direction of my internal compass. It’s been directing me north for quite some time. My fears and desire for stability have kept me from taking that leap. However, the more I fight it, the more things keep telling me to go North. For example. My schooling…i’m at a road block in Kansas City, but up north, everything falls into place. Family: not really any support here, but North, many people. My kids: their dad’s inability or lack of willingness to drive south to see his kids; keeps pushing me to move north. (although I don’t think he’s going to enjoy the outcome of it as much as he thinks he is.) my job: which i love deeply, has run into a bit of a snag with lack of promised insurance and my boss’ inability to understand that my kids get sick once in a while and I have to leave to pick them up. Not frequently, but there is no one else to do it. There is no support network. And last, but not least, the people I love are there. And everyday I am not there, I miss them and wish I was with them. I miss their faces and their smiles and their laughs and their hugs. I miss their taunts and their support and encouragment. I miss having someone on my side again and it feels wonderful to not just have one, but have 3 people, cheering me on. Telling me I can do it and no one will get the best of me. :-) xoxo

So, I have jumped, not blindly but headfirst. I am going to start planning to move north. This summer. Hopefully, I can get out of my lease and find a decent apartment at an affordable price. Hopefully, I can find a good job, that I can afford to take, WITH INSURANCE. Hopefully, I can get it all done in time to start school in the fall with Gorillaman and Caraboo. :-)

I’m terrified of the changes, but I think it’s where I need to be. For all accounts.

Recently I had a strong gut feeling that I needed to make some changes in my life, mainly to do with quitting my part time job and finding a new one. This is proving to be a stressful process, but I feel like its something I have to do. Its been a while since I had a gut feeling about anything and I’ve learnt to always go with it when I do.

The problem is, the feeling is gone now. And I’m uncertain about things.

I am getting a magnetic pull to the north, but I am tied to the south for the moment. I’m wondering how long it will be before I can’t fight the northern pull and have to be there indefinately.

Always remember –
Fear is that tall, dark, handsome stranger in the rugged suede jacket over by the fireplace leaning against the mantle – just dying for you approach him.

Run toward him with all your might!!! NOW!