live passionately

“I arise in the morning torn between the desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day.”
- E. B. White

And I’m not dead yet. It’s time to remember my true passions & not let life completely get in the way. I want to be able to maintain a positive and fun-loving attitude towards life even when it gets difficult. I keep reminding myself there are worse things I could be experiencing but there are better ones too and it’s time I take a chance.

I always thought of myself as a risk-taker but I think I’ve only been dreaming those ideas not living them. If I had only 12 months to live everything would be different. Since I’m not planning on dying anytime soon, there has to be a way to live with passion even when there is work to do & bills to pay.

I thought about my former acting/theater days this morning & just having those memories brought me inner joy. Memories are great but I don’t want to live in memories. I want to bring more of that happiness & joy into my life right now!

And me sitting on the computer complaining about it all isn’t exactly helping me to reach this goal. So now I have to make some concrete plans.

My friend has a one-act show that i’ve been meaning to see. The next show is in December. I’m making a point of going.

Another friend invited me to attend his church service to listen to choir Christmas music next month as well.

While it may not be my passion exactly supporting friends in theirs will have me to realize my own.

sharing this article anyway:

The Mantra That Helps You Live Longer

The last thing we all need right now is another doom-and-gloom headline. So try this mantra as an antidote: Good times are coming.

Think it. Believe it. Say it to yourself often, as often as it takes to put yourself in a more positive frame of mind. Not only could it put more bounce in your step, but research shows it may add miles to your life, too.

Great Expectations
It’s all about attitude. And the right one did a lot for the women in a study. Those with the most optimism, a belief that good things will happen, enjoyed a 14 percent lower risk of dying from any cause during the study, compared with their most pessimistic peers. And the women who saw the glass as half full were also 30 percent less likely to develop heart disease.

Raising Resilience
The study findings don’t necessarily prove that a bad attitude shortens life. But cultivating a positive mood certainly can’t hurt you. A positive attitude does a bunch of good stuff for your health—like setting you up to cope with stress in healthier ways (such as meditation instead of drinking). Positive people may also deal with stress better and live longer because they tend to enjoy deeper social bonds than cynical types do.

I don’t know where to begin with this goal. At the moment, I just don’t feel passionate about anything. Partly I’m just insanely overtired, but it goes deeper than that. I don’t have the faintest idea what I want to do with my life. I feel like I would be willing to sacrafice pretty much anything else to do something I truly loved and believed in, but I don’t know what that is or where to look for it. I need something to fight for.

Oh well, I’m going to try to be constructive about this and think of some things I do like:
walking
making people laugh
drinking with friends
exploring
making music with people (when I can do it without worrying)
‘running away’ (i.e. wandering off without telling anyone)
listening to music
doing maths… just not most of the maths in my degree
climbing trees (or attempting to!)
making bonfires
giving things to people
christmas markets… or other good markets
dancing, but I’m never brave enough
watching the rain from shelter
nightwalking

that’s all that comes to mind right now.

Honesty with loved ones is not something you calculate whether you can afford or not afford. It’s something you choose whether or not to do. And if you choose not to be honest with loved ones it will likely cost you more than you currently comprehend.

It’s not that nakedness reveals truth.

It’s that the whole truth cannot be found in the absence of nakedness.

I;am not there yet but I will get there there soon enough.

Slow down and enjoy life. It’s not only the scenery you miss by going too fast – you also miss the sense of where you are going and why.
Eddie Cantor (1892 – 1964)

Have you felt cheated because you feel no one has ever loved you with their whole heart?

Have you ever loved someone completely? If you have not, then it may be unrealistic for you to expect others to love you completely.

Don’t expect others to love you fully until you have loved others fully.

There are probably 4 significant others I have offered all my love to in my life. Most of them were not interested – so, in most cases I ended up offering everything and not receiving back in like kind. That is always hard. After my offer was declined, I did not withdraw my offer in anger, frustration, or as “revenge.” I left my offers outstanding even after they were declined – to demonstrate that when I said I would care for them always, I meant it.

You may not receive full commitment from others until you demonstrate full commitment toward others. And I’m not talking about being totally committed to your family or children. That counts, but not in a relevant measure to what I am discussing. Most people fully love their children and that is a great thing, but that is also a self-serving endeavor in most cases.

If you want someone to love you completely, then first demonstrate you love others completely. Until then, don’t ask others to pity or to be sympathetic to the fact that no one has loved you completely.

This will likely lead you to loving and losing, but there are worse things than giving your all to someone and having them decline your offer.

Better to have loved fully and to not have been loved in return than to never experience and demonstrate what it means to love someone else fully.

I’m not saying that if you love others fully, you will be loved in return fully. But I think you will improve your odds and your life if you clearly love others fully first.

I’m so glad I found 43 things! But to be completely honest, even writing this entry is scary. I want to live passionately, to have a life of integrity and balance, of love and creativity.

Mainly, I need to “get out of my own way.” I need to learn to take the “baby steps”, and live a life of courage. But fear and indecision keep getting in the way. I know I have talent. I need to stop feeling overwhelmed by what should be joyous. Everything good feels terrifying. Please help.

Any suggestions?

The journey is the reward.