Keep track of my epiphanies/guides for life

has been very difficult lately. Just the thought of facing a job I hate, the whole routine that drives me nuts, being in a rut that I seemingly can’t get out of, has made me groan and pull up the covers. I thought to myself this morning “I don’t want this life. What reason do I have to get up?”

Then I thought, “Of COURSE you don’t want this life. Who would? That’s why you need to get up. To keep working on cultivating a life that you DO want.”

Fluffy positive thinking just doesn’t cut it when I’m that discouraged. It’s much better to shoot from the hip.

It is usually because of one of three things, or combination of:

Not eating right. Or not eating at all.
Not getting enough sleep.
Not exercising.

If I am depressed for a reason, it is:
Not focusing and not keeping my commitments to myself.

Incredible—
I won’t go into too much detail because I could write on for a long time about this, but I am just amazed what happens when I stay open to possibility. Not hoping or expecting, but just being open and forward-looking. I just really learned what this means last night.

I have had this habit of getting in my own way with negative thoughts—like anyone else does, I guess as a way to ward of disappointment… but all it really does is keep me boxed in. I’ve discovered the trick is to just throw out the feeling of possibility before you, and step into it. Just that. No wondering “what if” or “but I’m not good at this” or “that could never happen.” Because that is the thinking that ensures things will never happen.

So last night I went out, wondering what would be the possibility of me chatting up a certain person who would be there. And I immediately thought “But I could never do that, I’m not good with meeting people, I have no connection to this person whatsoever, he’s a total stranger, has no idea who I am, is WAY out of my league etc.” I stopped myself and thought “What is the big deal? Just remain open to the possibility and see what happens, no loss. I’m just going out primarily to have a good time.”

So I get there and I’m pretty happy just to be there. I’m still not expecting anything to happen, but I have it in my mind that if I did get to talk to the person, it would just be a nice addition to the night. (I’m still kind of convinced that it would not be possible, just because it did seem such an out of the ordinary thing to happen.)

And then, one of his friends/colleagues comes up to me out of nowhere and starts chatting. I couldn’t quite believe it. It was very surreal. But I was enjoying our conversation. Then, the person in question wandered by and his colleague introduced me to him! We chatted! It was mostly polite small talk, but still… way more than I had thought would have happened. And what were the odds? Pretty low, really. Though not as low as I’d believed.

It was just such a great feeling, not being attached to any expectations, and having this great surprise. I learned such a lesson about remaining open to possibility, losing your self-consciousness and bad habits of blocking your own way to what you want through negative thinking, visualizing what you’d like to have, and just letting it go and being content no matter what happens. Throw out the possibility before you, walk into it, and forget it. Just let things happen.

SO cool.

do not happen by sitting still. They need action and courage.