learn to be happy with myself, by myself, for myself

leaving entries on this goal I’ve still been doing it and I think I’ve pretty much got it done :)

I’ve found myself lost. Alone && lost. I try to be happy with myself, but I’ve gotten to the point where I feel like I just want someone, ANYONE in my life so I can be happy. I know that this isn’t now it should be, nor how it will be, but I just wish I could be happy alone, and then I know someone would find me…

I am always thinking what if what if, i get very jealous of the way other people look etc, and feel sometimes that nobody pays attention to me, all sounds selfish I know so i try not to think like that but it doesnt always work.

I think I used to have a fear of being alone. Now I can not imagine my life without alone time. I have taken trips on my own but, even just spending a day relaxing at home is a welcome escape. There are always going to be “down” days but, for the most part I really enjoy my own company.

says it all

These past few days at the beach were lots of fun, but still relaxing, and made me do a lot of thinking.

Random Thoughts In No Particular Order

1) I have never been friends with couples. Most of the time when my friends get significant others, they forget about me. It is strange but refreshing to have friends who incorporate their boyfriends into their friends, and interesting to hang with and not feel completely third (or fifth) wheeling.

2) That said, I am sad that my boyfriend (now that I have one for the moment again!) couldn’t come. But it was also nice to be by myself with my friends, able to do whatever I want (skinny dip in daylight, swear a lot) and not have anyone who would potentially be hurt/upset/etc. about anything I did. Not that M. would really react that way, but it was nice not having to worry about it. (This is probably me just trying to convince myself that it was fine without him… but it WAS.)

3) I really still enjoy dissecting other peoples’ lives. :) I think one of my friends is completely imagining the closeness in her relationship. I don’t keep secrets very well.

4) I am very blessed to have been given a complexion that does not burn frequently.

5) I went on a walk this morning on the beach, because after breakfast everyone crawled back into bed and I thought, This is our last day here!!! and I didn’t want to waste it. I was alone, walking down the beach where tons of trucks were parked, lots of families and couples and friends all together having fun, and I walked right by the water by myself and at first I felt funny, but it was nice. I really enjoy knowing that I can be on my own and be okay. It is satisfying. I don’t know if I ever thought I’d actually get here….. but I’m liking it more and more each day. :)

I never want to be completely by myself. I have lots of people in my life I love and wouldn’t want to spend my life al by myself.

I believe I have accomplished this. I am feeling happy, I’m enjoying the time I spend by myself and I’m happy for ME!

I believe I have achieved this goal. I am now happy with myself most of the time and I have learned I can be happy by myself also. I also believe that it is important to have people in your life too. There is a difference between solitude and loneliness. I now can enjoy solitude where at one time I only felt loneliness. I’m glad I’ve reached this point.

It’s happening…I’m feeling happier with myself, and enjoying the time that I am choosing to be alone to pamper me.