stop obsessing about my weight

Still obsessing over weight. I tried on pants today and they did not fit. I have had to go up a size. I do not want to denigrate myself for this but it sure is discouraging.

I am thinking about doing a diet with a lot of structure like maybe Fresh Dining again.

I know I’m not fat. I’ve never been fat. I’m what you would call voluptuous. I have a little pot-belly but its cute and my boyfriend loves it. I have very nice boobs that make any outfit look good (well except tiny tees that would end up looking vulgar but anyways.) I weigh about 68 kilos now and i stand at 172cm. So i would say thats about right. But i want to lose 4 kilos cuz i always felt 64 kilos was my ideal weight. Maybe it had to do with the fact I was in Australia and no one gives a shit how fat you are. U could be so fat and wear the tightest clothes and no one would bat an eyelid. Obviously it did a lot for my self-esteem and i think I just naturally lost the weight, Back in Malaysia here, where everyone bloody thinks that if you’ve got a little bit of fat on you, you’re OBESE, i always feel like a giant. It doesn’t help that the average height here is ‘midget; sized so me being 5’8” or 172 cm really doesn’t help. Relatives have always said I’m big and it will be hard to find a man. FCK them i don’t want a midget man anyway!

Err.. sorry got a bit sidetracked there. Anyway i think being in a country that shuns people who actually have meat on them is killing me and making me eat MORE, in fact. I want to go back to Australia and not give a shit where people don’t stare like they do in this horrible, judgemental country!!

Only THEN can i stop obsessing about my weight like i did for those two short years I was living and studying in Australia. *sighhh

I still am not at the point of totally loving my bod, but I’m much better. Here’s what happened: I found a boyfriend who is really good at the compliment and honest communication thing, and tells me-with incredible patience-every time I complain about my body, that he loves it and thinks it is beautiful just as it is. He also tells me this, even when I don’t complain which is important too. Secondly, I joined weight watchers and lost 10 pounds! I’m very proud. I would like to lose about 5 more, but it’s no biggie. Im happy.

For now it’s completed anyways. To be honest, this is something I have had problems with for a long time and I may have to reopen it at a later point. But for the past couple of months or so, my weight is something I haven’t thought too much about. I hardly get on the scale, I don’t scold myself if I eat a little too much or eat a little junk. How much I weigh isn’t as important as it used to be and I’m very happy with my body.

I was looking over my list and when I seen this goal I realized that I have been much better with it lately. The thoughts still cross my mind occassionally, but most of the time I never give my weight a second thought.

Hi =] Thought I’d give a little introoo;
Even though I want to lose weight I want to be less obsessive about it.
Ages ago me and my friends were talking about weight and shizzle like that and a few of my friends were like ‘Oh I don’t weigh myself’ I was so shocked. I couldn’t imagine me not weighing myself obsessively. I care waaay too much.
I want to be able to be the kind of person who has a rough idea of their weight but doesn’t know it right to the exact pound.
It gets me down way too much and it’s just not worth it because sometimes I’ll feel really good about my body and then get on the scales and feel my confidence deflate. =[

Okay. I really am trying with this, I’m just failing horribly. I get on the scale too much, I give way too much thought to whatever I am eating. I’m down to 125 pounds, but I still have moments where I just feel fat and I will go put on a baggy shirt to cover up the fat that isn’t there. But I’m not always like that. I have a lot of moments where I am feeling confident and so proud of my body and I wear clothes I would have never wore before.

This is always been a problem for me. When I was younger my parents told me I was fat and my brother told me I was so fat that it was embarrassing to be seen with me. Things like that just stay with you. So I dropped a few pounds then and a couple of years later dropped about thirty. Of course it made my tits smaller also which is probably the worst part. Now they no longer tell me I am fat but instead tells me I am starving myself and making myself throw up. Which annoys me greatly. I am currently 5’7 and 135 pounds. Logically, I know I am not fat, but I still feel that way a lot of the time. I’ll eat something and just start hating myself for it. This is something I really need to work on.

I have this picture in my head of what I have to be like – or what I think I have to be like.
I get this panic – a fluttery sort of fear, when I feel a bit greedy/lazy etc.

Even now I feel quite ashamed of it, because I care about other people. I want to do so many things. And I want to be happy. But this sort of thing tries to infringe on everything.

I want the worry to leave! There’s so much more significant things going on, and I have decided to work really hard to focus on happiness. And spreading joy.

xo