stay sane

this would be a real acchivement with all the crap blowing around me . In fact I dont know how ive managed to stay sane for the last three years. Oh well plod on plod on plod on…...

Although i’m not sure..where i’m heading, what life has in store for me, and sometimes I get soooo angry, I’m actually more stable than i’ve ever been, maybe it’s the stability in other parts of my life that are contributing toward this.

this was an interesting comment from someone about how ive changed over the years, and i think it says a lot about my current state of sanity:
you used to be all grrr, f* the world! but now youre the happiest person i know, youre all wheeee! potatoes!

this is easy right now. im in a job a love, in a place i love, without meds, without therapy.

amazing how one little 5 year old can rock your world and then destroy it…

3 hours sleep. headache. too much thinking. can’t wind down. and i’m trying to keep her warm and covered through the night. really, most of what i do is for her. get up. get her clothes, get her breakfast, make her lunch (i made her pesto last night because that’s what she asked for), get her winter gear on, make sure she brushes her teeth, even slip an extra treat into her knapsack…and then!!!!!! i ask her to wash her hands after she pees and you’d think i killed her cat or something. all hell breaks loose, she comes over and stomps – HARD – on my foot, almost broke it, i’m sure, tells me she hates me and that she knows i hate her too. WHAT??! why on earth would she think i hate her? turns out i don’t buy her stuff like her friend’s dad buys her friend. well, kiddo, her dad doesn’t live at home!!!! and what else? oh, i don’t DO enough with her. and apparently we don’t spend enough time together….

i’m telling you.

my crazy child may not have broken my foot today, but she certainly did put a ding in my heart.
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stay sane. stay sane. stay sane.
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