enforce personal boundaries

I realize I may have gone overboard with this one. Oh well!

I’ve decided that I need to make a real effort to set and enforce my personal boundaries. I’ve been considering the adage “People treat you how you teach them to treat you,” and I suppose I need to take responsibility for putting myself in the position of being taken advantage of or of having people take liberties I don’t consider appropriate.

I read this great article on Oprah’s Web site about boundaries (http://www.oprah.com/tows/pastshows/tows_past_20010205.jhtml), and I made a list of the things I won’t allow (e.g., people using my computer w/o asking, people making sexist comments around me, etc.); the challenge now is enforcing the boundaries I’ve outlined.

Lately I’ve been taking steps toward setting boundaries because I know that no matter what the risk, e.g. offending someone, creating an awkward situation, or whatever, the outcome of standing up for oneself is far preferable to that of not speaking up. Because you can lose yourself when you continually allow others to violate your boundaries. I consider myself a good person, and strong in many ways, but I have struggled with trying to be more assertive for a long time. I think by approaching basically the same concept (being assertive/setting personal boundaries) from the perspective of protecting and respecting my own limits, rather than just trying to make myself into an Assertive Person I may have greater success than I did in the past. At least I hope so!

I’m realizing that if you don’t clearly define in no uncertain terms what you will and will not except people take advantage, invade your personal space, probe, and pry a little too much. At the top of the Boundary Violaters list is my mother who is too interested in my sex life.

I have instated and will continue to enforce my boundaries with my ex and my parents so far. It is a great feeling knowing that there is a pesonal space around me that I have now forbid people to cross. It gives me room to breathe without worrying that I might be not thinking of someone else. Well now I get to think of me. I can say no. and I do. This is my life so I am going to live for me.