Every time I will want to do anything I will think if this action is motivated by love or not. And will do it only if it is motivated by love.

I don’t know why I did this lately! I was so bad… I’ve never done this before but lately when some people behaved with me not the way I desired I laughted at their bad sides. How stupid! I knew that was stupid even when I was doing this! This was stupid and bad! I really wish I could turn back time and not tell bad things on these people… I mean I work in adoption and different people without children come… and often they treat me not the way I want! but I probably want to much! I talk too much bad on people! I shouldn’t… so if they treat me no the way I want.. then when they read why they can’t have kids, I think:”here’s the reason of their bad carachter!” But in reality I don’t even want to think bad on them!! I don’t know why I do! Maybe because others here discuss them from the bad side… and I start too! But I should be strong and always realise all people are just people. Of course they can be bad and whatever they are! Spescially if there is a reason why they don’t have children… I’m very sorry I did this!
I was also proud he left his girlfriend because of me! I told this to everybody! I shouldn’t! I kew deep inside such things shouldn’t be told!
I know.. this is very bad that at work we laught about everybody.. I shoudn’t do this! even if I always have jokes in my imagination! I can use my sence of humor for other purposes! I really hope today I will tell and do only thngs that respect other people and that are good to them! There was so little love in my behaviour lately! I want to remember always to keep love in my heart! This is very important! If he’s so afraid of hearing about love I’ll better not tell him. But I want love to be always in my heart!
I know this many many times that this can’t be postponed, love can’t be postponed, the same thinking about love, doing things with love involed! I want to return love into my life. Lately I stopped this because I had so many things to do about the uni that I thought I had no time to think about love. But I should put the priority! I know that love is my number one! Then I shouldn’t have any thought like I did lately! I will try to return love into my life! I don’t know what will happen though. I don’t know if he ever returns to me. I just want him happiness and the best for him! But for this I should also think well of myself because I don’t think anything good about me! then how can he think good of me!

If you can’t do this with love don’t do this at all!

I did this today and it went out well.

I think I will analyse what I am afraid of in order to replace my fear with love.
So now as I am writting to him I am afraid again he doesn’t care of me and doesn’t like me. But I should know he does like me really! I have seen how much he likes me and wants to be with me. And he told me not to doubt ever that he cares of me. So I just have to believe in this. This is the only way of being. He likes me very very much. Both soul and body. I wish to accept this. He loves me a lot. :) That’s just the truth :)!

Started today and will try to continue. Althought this is very alike my another goal “To live consciously”.