JudithKD 4 of 6030 things gone this year! jkd
or get any is fairly odd to me still. From the person who was convinced she was worthless and everyone else knew better who she was, no place that was mine, safe from intrusion, etc. the idea that I have the right to privacy is pretty weird.
The notion that I can have and set boundaries, as well as expect others to respect them is one of those mind-boggling concepts you’ll never understand if you have always had a sense of privacy.
I never thought I earned any, as I was worthless, flawed, what have you. I never thought I could ask for/expect any for the same reason. I was in my 30s or so when I really got that I could draw a line,.
It has taken all the work of the past 4 years on the trauma stuff and the “divorce” from my family for me to get to where I can say, “You know, I really, really don’t need to violate myself like this to have value.”
And, ironically, the need to retreat is more because I’m seriously thinking about organizing many of the posts from here into that memoir, and that makes me feel exposed.
Yes, I know the net is worldwide, but 43t doesn’t feel that way, it feels like a large party with a lot of my friends. (No one ever said I was rational!)
Anyway, if I retreat from here, that’s why. If my old postings start being deleted, that’s also why. There’s only one thread I would have deleted my posts long ago, and that thread got removed when the town hall stuff got started, I think. Anyway, it’s gone.
jkd
