call my parents more often

I live in Washington DC. My parents live in Florida. My relationship has been, for most of my life, centered around my mother.

My father and I see each other almost daily when I’m home. We talk, but it’s strained most of the time and almost always centered around school. I love my father, but his relationship with his own mother, and women in general is strained at best, so he has trouble connecting with the things I’m interested in.

I call my mother ever Sunday, just to talk. She’s more of the emotional rock in my family relationship. In high school, I hated my mom. She was the lady that wanted me to put on makeup, dress myself up, go be social with people around me. At the time, I thought she was absolutely nuts, but as I got older and moved into my 20’s, I realized the values that she was trying to instill in me. It wasn’t about looking good or being popular. It was the motions of self-respect, self-confidence and self-knowledge. She’s a smart lady. Most of the time.

I hope that the older I get, the more my dad will see the point in my accomplishments. At my age, he still hopes that I’ll wake up one day and want to go to law school. It’s hard to want to pick up the phone and call him. But I know I gotta.

But today is Mom Sunday.

she didn’t upset me for a change. what did upset me was the email chain she sent me about something unrelated but i could tell in the chain that she’d been telling my relatives who I haven’t seen in a least two years that T lost his job. Really none of their business. None of them were even at our wedding… It’s like she has to spread my woes around like she doesn’t have enough of her own.

need to remember that he never talks for long and always makes me laugh. he had called me twice before i returned his call and the guilt delayed me even longer but he doesn’t hold it against me. now that the drive home is shorter, it’s harder to remember to call then but i should use my bluetooth and make the most of the sitting in traffic time.

I suppose that since I moved back to the same city as my family, I do talk to them more often. I even see my father three times a week. My mother and I talk on the phone about twice a week, and I call my in-laws once a week.

Well I feel like I really blew a chance to call my family. I was going to call on Easter because it was a holiday so there was less pressure about how long it had been since I had called last, but I ended up staying out too late. It’s funny how an hour between time zones can make the difference between thinking it is ok to call, and thinking it is probably too late.

I spoke to my parents for ages today and although it was as I expected (sister, baby, sister, baby…) I feel better for reaching out to my parents. If they enjoy talking about my sister and her baby, well then by listening I’m loving them in my own way. If only things were fine between my sister and I but I don’t think they will ever be.

For the past few months, I’ve been aiming to speak to my mother every weekend. She lives in a different country so it’s not always that convenient to call her (unless I’m at home and can use a cheap international rate but I’m often out and about at the weekends and on my mobile which is not cheap), but I feel guilty making her call me.

Also, my elder sister (with whom I have issues) apparently calls my mother every week. This annoys me because the only way to be ‘better’ than her would be to call twice a week! Whatever I do, I can never be better than her in my parents’ eyes.

Anyway, recently I haven’t been calling because my elder sister and husband have been visiting my parents with their 6-month-old baby. I didn’t want to have to sit for hours listening about the wonders of the baby. My husband and I don’t intend to have children so again it’s one more thing that my perfect sister will have/do that I won’t/don’t.

I’m planning to call my parents today, maybe even speak to both my father and mother if I can. I almost only ever speak to my mother, who nagged me about calling my father, which only put me off even more.

Why is family always so complicated? At least we all live in different countries…

been calling mom almost twice weekly and she was rather suspicious at first but i guess she’s used to me calling her more than once a week now.

i should do this more..
especially since i’m not home too often.

why? so i can hear more guilt trips? so i can listen to my mom tell me what a bad mother i am? no thanks….