Make a decision about #3

I have a difficult with some of the most trivial decisions so a major one like this has got me at a loss. It was an easy decision to have one and then 2 children but now I find myself really uncertain what is the right choice for our family. I was so sure I wanted 3 and nearly had to beg my husband to agree. Once he relented I suddenly started questioning “our” decision. For one thing life is pretty challenging as it is with 2 toddlers and recently I have gotten over a few hurdles and soon _{I hope} I’ll have the last one out of diapers. I question if I really want to start all over again and go through all those wonderful but also exhausting times. I have some freedoms now that I would have to give up and I’m not sure if I want a 3rd one enough to give up some of those things. Of course I know these times will pass and once they do I might have that complete family that I have always imagined. Somehow it feels like there is a missing member of our family. Is that only because my sisters each have 3 children and there are 3 of us? Do I REALLY want 3 toddlers, and eventually 3 teenagers or do I just want another baby? Clearly that would be the WRONG reason to have a 3rd….....

I just don’t know! And time is running out, I’m not getting any younger and I don’t want such a gap between them that the last one gets left behind…......