So I spent my afternoon at the ER because my sister felt like she was going to have a seizure. I get that she should get that checked out, but what I don’t understand is why she didn’t go last Monday when she actually had one… So I’m flipping out thinking that she’s like dying or something and the doctors say that it’s atypical migraines or something like that. That sounds very mild for such intense symptoms. t’s just crazy. Also, as soon as we got home, my ankle began to hurt so much that I wanted to cry. Having just been at the ER and avoiding having It checked out when it hurt before, I didn’t tell anyone, but I don’t think it’s a good thing. It’s like it needs cracked, but it can’t without coming out of its joint. it’s strange. And so I just left it. It’s gotten better since then. Also, I haven’t scratched myself in a few days(: 10 hours ago
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I went to a birthday party yesterday where we did foot baths and spa stuff and put lotion all over our arms. It was wonderful, but the whole time I was terrified that somebody was going to look too closely at my arm and see the marks. I haven’t put anymore on my arm in a bit, but I still can see what I’d done. Rolling my sleeves up for that was a struggle. And today the shower I usually use got clogged, so I had to use my parents’ and that was okay until I was getting dressed and my mom wanted on there and I had to quickly cover my thigh where I now put the marks. It’s just awful. I’ve almost gotten caught so many times in the past couple days; I should just tell somebody, but I can’t. I just wish I didn’t have to hide all the time. I wish I could remember a time when I didn’t have to worry about people seeing my arms and legs. 3 days ago
This day didn’t start out well. On Wednesdays I start work a 7:30 and we see patients solidly from 8am until 2pm. Wednesdays normally aren’t fun due to the fact we don’t have a break due to patient volume so no time for a snack or sip of drink, but by 9am we had already seen nearing 10 patients. A few of which walked in without appointments and expected to be seen. Thankfully we made it through the morning and I was home by 2:30.
The afternoon has been much better, I got home, had a cup of tea and watched a few episodes of gossip girl. Its been nice to just sit and relax as normally I say im going to relaxed on Wednesday afternoon, but end up doing stuff instead and then the whole afternoon disappears. Its good to just take time once in a while to just chill. 2 weeks ago
I went to the doctor yesterday, and when asked about depression I completely avoided it… I realize that wasn’t a good idea now, but I honestly couldn’t handle it. After hearing the questions she asked my sister, I was so worried about how to answer them. I didn’t technically lie, though… She asked “do you have any concerns about depression or anxiety,” and I answered no. I don’t have any concerns about it. I am dealing with it, but I don’t have concerns. I have concerns with myself, but not those tings. So technically I didn’t lie. I know, I know, I should have told her, but I just couldn’t. I was freaking out, and I couldn’t let her know. I want to deal with it myself. That’s why I haven’t told my best friend yet. That’s why I am going to tell my one friend when he gets back. He’ll know that I really do understand him, and maybe we can help each other. I just hope it doesn’t end badly for either of us. He’s supposed to be back next month sometime, but We’re not certain. It’s for his own good, anyway, but I miss him. Sometimes I think that’s why I get so sad while I’m at school. I just wish I had told him that he’s not alone before he left… 2 weeks ago
A year ago I thought that there was no way I could have depression. I wasn’t sad, was I? Here I am now trying to figure out how to hide my arms without being suspicious. I never thought it would get this far. I never dreamed that I could be this far done. But here I am. I’m still standing. They haven’t won yet. I acknowledge that I have a problem, but the next step is telling somebody, and I’m having trouble telling my best friend. I can’t tell her, because I know that she’ll worry too much. I can’t tell my other friend because she’ll think it’s a joke. After all, one of her exes used to lie all the time about cutting and suicide attempts. She’s convinced it’s all pretend. I just want to be able to have somebody know without having to tell them. But I don’t want them finding out on their own, either. I just want them to know and understand. This is why I’m having trouble. 2 weeks ago
Maybe-someday quilts to make:
Maze quilt 2 weeks ago
My friends helped me get through the toughest times in life, always count on them! Basically just realised that nobody is perfect and I can’t please everyone and do everything. Yeah I’ll get things wrong sometimes but so what!? It’s nicer to be happy anyway so screw it :D Just be true to you and make your own destiny! You scared of the future? DON’T BE! Just get on with it! Life goes on, and emotions do too. Nobody has a good life or a bad life. You have a life, it’s up to you if it’s a good or bad one ;) KEEP SMILING<3 2 weeks ago