I’m 28 and even been married, but I didn’t meet the true love of my life until after I had left my husband. It was January of 2007, I had just moved out into a aparment after have left my husband who I had been with since I was 19. I wasn’t the kind of girl who believed in true love or soulmates. But a young illegal immigrant I met in a chat room changed my entire life.
Having just had my last chances of being a mother ripped away from me and leaving a drug addict behind me, I met a person who set my soul free. It was nothing to me in the beginning, just someone to flirt with when I was bored. In just a couple weeks I found myself meeting him online every night. It was strange to be so attracted to someone I had never met. I knew he lived far away, but I didn’t care. I wanted to know this person. Sweet, passionate, smart and the best sense of humor and goodwill. There was a leader that could express himself poetically.
After only talking on the phone for a few weeks I was madly in love. We wouldn’t sleep because neither one of us wanted to get off the phone. Every conversation was better than the one before. Finally we planned to meet, growing with excitment every day passed. Two weeks before what was supposed to be fabulous, he fell off of the face of the earth. I was horrified and the worst thoughts filled my mind. I worried, I accused, I cried. Four weeks passed, I decided to find someone to distract me. I sleep with a random stranger and it’s terrible, and my bitter side even tells this random person that it was terrible.
Then out of nowhere, I get online and my Romeo is back. He read everything and tells me it’s over. Finding out that he had been deported to Mexico and was in jail for 2 months!!! I begged for weeks for him to forgive me, that I had no idea. That I thought he had left me for good. It seemed my words had fallen on deaf ears. He didn’t talk to me for a whole month. Somehow I won him back and we started talking again. I told him I would go to him as soon as I could. I bought the ticket but still had to wait another month. He started disappearing again, but just came up with crazy stories to tell me where he had been. But I decided that even with my un-certainties about him I was going anyways. Even if he didn’t show up, I wanted to go the distance.
I told my friends and family about him and that I wanted to meet him, they all freaked out because of his legal status and forbided me to go to him. So I told only my sister that I was leaving in a week. Having only flown one other time in my life, my nerves raced while I was on the plane. When I landed he was not there, I waited and waited. I tried calling his phone and his parents house (yes I had their number…...hahahaha) over and over again. His sister answered and told me he was out with his brother and didn’t know when he would be home. It had been two hours, so I called my sister to tell her I was checking into a hotel, just then he showed up. I ran to his arms and kissed him without saying a word. We spent the whole weekend together in a motel room. I’ll spare you the details, but needless to say, it was magical. Both of promised not to cry when I get back on the plane home. I held it in until I boarded the flight.
Things were great even after I got home. Everything was wonderful for 2 months. Then he disappeared again, telling me yet another crazy story. He was gone for 3 weeks, 1 which he told me did not purposely talk to me because he knew that I would be upset. He told me that it was impossible for us to be together since he was illegal and that he was keeping me from living the life I deserved. Where I could be with someone who could be with me everynight.
I didn’t talk to him for a week. I finally called him and he told me he had missed me so much and he wanted to be with me no matter what. He was going to steal his brother’s license and get on a bus to come live with me. Two weeks pass and he changes his mind, then begs me to come to him. After agreeing he disappears once more. Two more weeks go by, I tell him I am not coming because I can’t do this anymore. He makes me feel so insecure with his disappearances and then makes me feel guilty for my concern and grief. He tells me I am right and leaves me again. Six weeks later I get a call from his brother-in-law. He has been deported again and won’t be coming back this time. More weeks go by and he doesn’t call, he must have been out of jail by now. So I figure it’s over for good. He would never let me move to Mexico to be with him.
So I meet someone new in January, the cycle starts over. This guy is a good guy and things are looking well. Just when we become serious, my soulmate reaches out to me again. I tell him I have met someone else and he asks me to choose. It tortures me for days as I know my heart wants him, but I can not turn my back on this new one who has not trespassed against me the way he did. So I tell him I chose my new guy. I tell the my new boyfriend the story and he breaks up with me, saying that I should have decided immediately. My poet still calls and begs for me. Yet I refrain, knowing I have broken 3 hearts all at once.
It has been 6 months now, we text each other every now and then. He won’t call me and he won’t answer my phone calls. He tells me that to hear my voice would break him. He sends me pictures and still calls me his only love. I have even started dating someone else, hoping that moving forward will break me away from him. This guy lives 30 minutes away, he talks to me everyday and he is madly in love with me, but he isn’t my soulmate.
No one can replace him, I fear I will chase him until my dying day. Hoping that we might get one more chance to be complete again.
