stop being a doormat

So, I went to Wendy’s today to get some dinner and wanted to use two coupons (I was really hungry and really broke). Well the fine print says “one coupon per customer visit” so when I was ordering I asked if I could use the second coupon. Before I even finished my question the lady says “only one coupon per visit” in a really snotty voice and then tacks on a fake “sorry” in a really irritating voice (you know what I’m talking about right?).

I can deal with them not accepting two coupons. It’s dumb, but I can deal with it. The rude way she spoke to me though really made me fume, so I pull up to the first window, pay, then pull up to the second window to get my food and immediately recognize the woman’s rude tone.

So I grab my food, pull around the building and get back in the drive through line. I ordered again, using my second coupon this time and pay at the first window. The girl there did a double-take and just laughed. Ahead of me at the second window the snotty manager was holding my bag of food out the window, so I just kind of rolled real slowly past her and took my food without ever coming to a complete stop. The look on her face made my week!

I know what I did was hardly aggressive, but I at least think it was assertive.

Do you think that qualifies as asserting myself?

And maybe assertive is better than aggressive. What do you think?

What would you have done?

I don’t have a problem telling people I don’t like exactly what I think about them or what they can do to themselves. This is going to sound weird but my problem is with my friends. See, I don’t want to say those sorts of things to my friends, even when I really should. For example, I have, or had rather, this friend. She was really sweet and fun and we were tight for years, but over the past few months she’s gotten really bitchy. Now she will call (when her better friends are all busy) when I’m out with the gang and invite herself, sometimes even demanding that someone picks her up so she doesn’t have to drive alone, and then tells us all how we should live our lives and tries to hijack our plans and is just a mega-bitch.

She did this last night for the second night in a row, but because she used to be a friend of ours, none of us can bring ourselves to tell her off, especially me. So when she calls and invites herself and I don’t stop her, I think my friends get a little annoyed. They of course don’t blame me or anything, but I still feel like they’re associating me with her.

There are other situations too, like when I’m a doormat just to prevent conflict with someone who I have a class with or that I have to work with. I realize more and more, that the conflict is worth it if it means not being a doormat.

I am working on assertiveness skills. I am realizing it is ok to stand up for one’s self but still want to please people. Help???!!!

i feel like i’ve made a lot of progress with overcoming the “doormat syndrome”... but i am finding the hardest time being the new strong me with my old friends that know the old weakling doormat me…the dynamics are always revolved around our old high school personalities and i find myself completely reverting back to that old weakling me when i am around them… any suggestions on how to stop this cycle or any one else experiencing this too? how have you overcome it? thank you!

at the moment i feel like the biggest doormat and i have to say for personal reasons. I think maybe I need to say no and stick up for myself a little more.

People have told me this for years, but I thought it was just them.
Once I realized it isn’t compassionate, it’s just being used, I’ve realized it needs to stop.
It’s time for it to stop today.

i know its all about self respect blah blah blah but how do you get that? what if you think you’re great except for your lack of self respect? i thought it was a response to feeling bad about yourself in other ways not a bad thing in itself?? so confused.

I think I’ve finally weeded out the people in my life that were making me feel like a ratty old doormat. I don’t think being a doormat was ever really my fault—maybe I just have a tendency to gravitate towards toxic people.

but I think I’m doing well enough to cross this off my list now.

... i just want to please everyone and i have great difficulty in saying no to most people. I give up, you cant change weaknesses that easily but i guess its a nice feeling to know youve helped a friend out.