get through this bout of craving starch

OK, I’m giving up. I think that I’m right if I say it’s not about the starch at all, it’s about the stress. Stress make my insides hurt, and eating helps for that. Eating starch does cause a craving, but it is a simple matter of a week or two to get rid of it. The greater problem is getting rid of the stress trigger.

I read today in a magazine that antidepressants can cause carbohydrate craving. The evidence is weak, but I’ll keep it in mind.

Today I remembered that I had started this campaign a long time ago. Almost 5 years ago I started to not keep bread in the house, although I did still eat bread if it was part of a planned meal.

I also had the custom of having a tin of Heinz Sticky Toffee Pudding for supper on Sunday evenings.

The crack cocaine equivalent of starch is for me probably Romany Creams dunked in coffee. My friend Ryan introduced me to this fiendish food. I think this mix has just the right proportions of starch, sugar, fat, chocolate and coffee to trigger multiple craving circuits in the brain, and it is impossible not to finish the packet.

I consider myself very lucky that I’ve realized the danger here. After the first few times I have not indulged very often, if at all, but at times of stress I have had fantasies of it soothing the turmoil in my belly.

I think that my capuccino habit was not so bad after all. It leveraged a small amount of sugar against a large amount of starch.

I do get a craving in the middle of the morning, and I have for a long time. I used to feed it an apple or two. Healthy enough, but still a craving.

Actually asking for a big pasta dish is not a winning strategy.

Last night I dreamt about pastries. I had trays of leftover pastries in my office, and some buns on my desk. I felt extremely guilty for eating it, and embarrassed by people seeing it.

It was in primary school, std 3. Jimmy was an underfed koshuisbrak. He was my friend. During breaks he would wait for me outside the classroom. He would share my sandwiches, and then he would go and play with the other boys.

When I’m full of starch I feel mellow and at peace with the world. Never mind the heartburn, it’ll soon pass. But I also feel lazy and unmotivated. I think that it might cause a misalignment between who I can be (forceful and focussed) and how I act (laid-back and passive.)

OK. Here’s a draft plan. It better be workable, because it will be for the rest of my life.

1. Absolutely no starch outside of meals.
2. During mealtimes, only a single serving.
3. If a meal is based on bread, two slices are enough. No sugary toppings, except maybe for the last half-slice.
4. Sunday morning breakfast rusks are OK and unlimited.
5. When offered biscuits with tea when visiting, be as dainty as a Victorian lady.
6. No chips when eating out.
7. If there are snacks: nuts or sugar over starch.

These are all things I’ve tried before, so I know it works

Still some queries:

1. How do I accommodate the coffee shop cake and coffee that I enjoy so much?
2. What to do when a pasta dish is served?

Advice and comments welcomed.

We were on holiday, staying with my uncle and aunt. I guess I was about 11 years old. I had pinched a rusk from a tray on the coffee table in the lounge, where the adults just had their tea.

I ran into my grandmother (a doctor) unexpectedly and it was too late to hide my thievery. “It is because of eathing things like this that you are fat” she said.

I think I ate the rusk despite the guilt.