be more truthful

I find I lie so much these days it all just flows out without me giving it a second thought it’s time for a change. I don’t know if I will be able to stop lying but i’ll give it a go.

i need to learn the lesson that even a “white lie” is still a lie and i am a bad liar at that – i never remember the white lie and almost always blurt out the truth …..this has created issues

starting now, im never going to lie again. never ever. it’s too much pain. you should see me, im a nervous wreck whenever i lie. lol i literally start shaking. so from now on, im completely & totally honest.

I have a bad habbit of not telling the truth…even about silly things. I used to do it as entertainment. Like if someone asked me what I did for a living I was say, skydiver, or palletjack operator. Anything, because I thought it was (is) a usless question. I digress. Words = life or death. I choose life.

Sometimes I will lie about little things, or things that I think people don’t really need to know about. I know that a lie is a lie and a lie is wrong, but sometimes it is just so much easier to lie about something small than to hurt someone’s feelings or to make a big deal out of it.

I know I should stop.

well… i am failing at this one. kinda am not telling my land lord that we are moving out in 2 weeks… should really tell him… just feels wrong… ah well. it will happen soon enough.

on this is——I have stayed long enough with this man. The constant esteem assault is exhausting and today I will claw my way out for once and all. Not sentimental journey, no whining, no pie in the sky retorts..just an heartfelt, mature desire to live free and be all that is possible..

for two weeks now, I have been sick,stuck,second -guessing, going round in circles, when my life is calling, informing me all over the place. Tell the truth..what do YOU really think, how are you really feeling, what are YOU really afraid of…who is your partner in truth ? These question have risen as I started to feel better( I was really sick ).. oddly enough, sometimes I think sickness is a manifestation of what is subconsciously going on/ brewing .. Thats the way my life seems to unfold.. I experience a clearing of the ailment and a renewed ‘truth’ as I set about my life….
okay enough babble..for today…

is only good for a few things.. & that’s okay..

I will and & have moved on. Thank Goddess

I may have found one person whom I can be more truthful with on a personal level.. This is a big thing for me.. I will know more tonight …Feels good to at least reach out in the manner. That is in itself, a truth. I need the intimacy of revealing my true nature. Perhaps I am just getting older.