Figure out what i want to do in life

I really feel that my heart is in the social work field. Everytime I tell someone that I am going to be a foster care worker, I get this feeling of excitement inside. It’s amazing. I want to be the person that kids look at and say that if it hadn’t been for me, their life would have went no where. I want to change kids lives, show them the compassion and love that they didn’t get from the people they need it from most. I want to help people get their kids back, if they truly try to change of course. I want to be a social worker. Bottom line!

So, I am almost 100% positive that I am supposed to change what I want to do in life. Yet, I don’t think I want to check this goal off because I need to know 100%, not almost know. I had a dream about a week ago that I was a social worker, then the next day, I went to the mall to buy some stuff and I overheard three different conversations about social work (one was about DCFS, another one the lady was a social worker, and the third was about the abused kids in the world). Now, is that now strange or what?! My aunt likes to call them “God winks” and I think I’m beginning to believe her after all.

=]

I bought a book from the bookstore at school about social work and I am eager to read it! =] I really think that this is what I’m supposed to go into because I think I would have such a passion for it.. a passion that I might not have in teaching.

Ever since I was a sophomore in high school I have wanted to teach. Different grades, yes, but still teach. But now, after declaring my major as English, I’m not sure if it’s what I want to do anymore. For some reason, my heart is being pulled into the social work direction. Before teaching, social work is what I wanted to do, and I personally, think that I could do it well. But at the same time, I think that I could teach English well too. Part of me just wants to stick with teaching since it has been a goal of mine for a while, but the other part says no because what if I go to school for 6 years for that and then end up hating it? I’m actually really scared right now.

I want to find something that i like and that i can make my work.

I am just tired of trying to figure out what I want to do. I wish I was like a lot of other people. People, who when thry’re little, loves doing something and says, ” I want to do this when I grow up!”, and they do it! Me, well I wanted to be everything I did! LOL.. I can never make up my mind. I wanted to be a doctor, a lawyer, a nurse, a singer, a teacher, a business woman, anything! I graduated high school when I was 16. Didn’t want to go to college right away. I figured I would take a year off and all, but here I am 3 years later, still no college. I mean I really want to go! I signed up later year for the fall semester and I selected Legal Assitant as my Major, but backed out at the last minute. I don’t want to waste my money learing a major and then a month or so change my mind! So Im just working as an office assistant at a mortgage and title company. It’s basically to pay the bills until I figure out something more permanant. But at the same time there is some interest here too. I just don’t know!! Why does a decision like this have to be so hard?! Ughhhh!! Help?!

Tonight I watched 3 videos on youtube by a director named “TheMomoZone” and he made me start to think about shit in general….Ive basically went through life not caring about anything and not wanting to do much but with graduation nearing, im starting to think about this kind of stuff and i wish i just knew what i wanted to do in life. god, this life is weird.