Figure out what i want to do in life

wow this goal pretty much sums up how I’ve been feeling. but really, I just want to be ok on my own. I want nothing more than to have a little hole in the wall apartment that I can pay the rent to.

something nicer than a hole in the wall would be preferable though. moving back in with a parent after graduating, yea it’s tough. I want independence. and coming to find miss after miss from the summer.

volunteering turned hired part time, which I was then never payed for the hours. I think it’s back to volunteering with events and installations there. communication there isn’t too cohesive. still hoping for this internship I applied for elsewhere. although not seeming too promising either.

I haven’t been too focused jobwise for a few weeks, it’s been more packing up the apartment and helping move myself and the other into a house. at least now I’ll have my own room with a door and a bed. sounds mundane, right? pretty awesome right about now.

I’ve been staying sane with art. thank goodness for that. and for, two, that I can share pretty much anything with. one gets to hear my stories and rants. who very well may read this some day and make fun of me for it. the other just brightens my day with butterflies.

here’s to a continuation of taking it day to day, making art, and getting my resume out there some more in gallery and maybe construction related fields.

I’ve decided

I’ve decided that I’m going to do what ever makes me happy
(must find out what makes me happy)

Whatever the whim I will follow it through to the end and be proud whether it worked out or not.

I’ve decided that I don’t have to decide, that I can change my mind as many times as I darn well feel like.

I’ve decided that I’ll only set myself in the right direction, and to have all my doors open.

But make it all up as I go along

It’s pretty hard when you have a good idea or many good ideas, but you can’t decide which or you don’t think you’ll actually be able to attain those goals..sigh
I guess I gotta just try to establish what it is I love in life and find a way to support my self with it
to bad you couldn’t be profitable from taking naps

Who doesn’t?

I know what I want to do in my life, but then again I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to fulfill them. I don’t want to stick to one field. I love everything and I enjoy doing almost everything. But my family members find it hilarious and they always make fun of me(which is sad)! I’m the eldest in a family of 5 kids. All of them make fun of things I say, including my parents. In fact my parents are very traditional and it is ridiculous the way they want me to behave! I want to live my life the way I want! It’s my life.I want to break free of everything..but it isn’t easy! I’m a student. I’m unemployed, in fact never done any job! I want to find a job. I want to earn my own money and spend them the way I want. This doesn’t mean I want to spend them on partying and stuff. I wish I had money to buy these electronic gadgets i want , to buy books I love to read, and I also wish I had money to pay for the training courses of all the degrees and diplomas and other professional and academic qualifications I wish to acquire! I know I’m going to do all of these before I die! I have to make these dreams a reality..And at the end I want to be a free,harmless person, a self-sufficient person.
It’s going to be a wonderful life once I start living it my own way.
But then again ..my family..oh my god! thinking of what they say all the time, and the way they tease me makes me want to cry even right now! In fact I’m crying even right now! I wish I wasn’t that weak when it came to this! I can bear anything anyone say..anything I mean it..but when it comes to family I lose my temper..I hope I won’t be like that anymore. I want to grow up into a person valued by the society! I know I’m a bit lazy sometimes..but that doesn’t mean I’m a waste of space, does it? Why do my parents think so? I hate it. I want not to hate it. I hope I will have the courage and strength to do so! I want to build my own house in Australia( I’m not an Australian though)..I can see the house with a huge farm and a big garden and a there’s a huge tree in that front garden..just one big tree..I want to purchase it.
But first I want to become a counseling psychologist! The thing is my parents don’t like the idea ..they think psychologists are stupid. I don’t know why..and then I want to become a software developer. I want to become a good citizen. I want to become a happy person! ( I do laugh a lot when I’m with my friends ..but when at home..I don’t even smile..my family members make me sick) I wish I was close with my family members..then finally I wish I will find my love of the life..I don’t know if I want a love ..my family has been having such restrictions on me when it came to guys and now I’m used to distrust everyone..which is bad.I do smile and talk with everyone but I always turn down these proposals. I tend to control my feelings always thinking my parents won’t agree with it. So I don’t know..I want to figure out solutions for all these confusions! And I want to live a happy life, the way I want! I want to break free..but I’m not financially strong to do it! I want to be financially stable and strong so that I can break free and live my life the way I want!
Thank you if you bothered to read this! :)
Cheers! xD

I really feel that my heart is in the social work field. Everytime I tell someone that I am going to be a foster care worker, I get this feeling of excitement inside. It’s amazing. I want to be the person that kids look at and say that if it hadn’t been for me, their life would have went no where. I want to change kids lives, show them the compassion and love that they didn’t get from the people they need it from most. I want to help people get their kids back, if they truly try to change of course. I want to be a social worker. Bottom line!

So, I am almost 100% positive that I am supposed to change what I want to do in life. Yet, I don’t think I want to check this goal off because I need to know 100%, not almost know. I had a dream about a week ago that I was a social worker, then the next day, I went to the mall to buy some stuff and I overheard three different conversations about social work (one was about DCFS, another one the lady was a social worker, and the third was about the abused kids in the world). Now, is that now strange or what?! My aunt likes to call them “God winks” and I think I’m beginning to believe her after all.

=]

I bought a book from the bookstore at school about social work and I am eager to read it! =] I really think that this is what I’m supposed to go into because I think I would have such a passion for it.. a passion that I might not have in teaching.

Ever since I was a sophomore in high school I have wanted to teach. Different grades, yes, but still teach. But now, after declaring my major as English, I’m not sure if it’s what I want to do anymore. For some reason, my heart is being pulled into the social work direction. Before teaching, social work is what I wanted to do, and I personally, think that I could do it well. But at the same time, I think that I could teach English well too. Part of me just wants to stick with teaching since it has been a goal of mine for a while, but the other part says no because what if I go to school for 6 years for that and then end up hating it? I’m actually really scared right now.

I want to find something that i like and that i can make my work.