1.Enjoy my own company!
2.When sad/anxious/fed up/angry/stuck/uninspired/lost/confused/unhealthily obsessed with something or someone/fatigued/feeling ugly or fat or unattractive: TAKE A POWER WALK! If I’m feeling hurt, rejected, left out, spurned, remember: IT DOESN’T MATTER. It doesn’t matter in the end. Who I am, what I’ve done with my life matters. Clear my mind and get right back in the race. This is not a dress rehearsal. Life doesn’t stop for emotional owies. You have to pick up and go with it and keep going. The world is waiting for what you have to contribute to it.
3.Make staying fit a priority. Take a walk every night to stay fit, positive and healthy, and just to enjoy the world outside. Do the morning exercises- they only take 20 minutes when I don’t dawdle, and they WORK. I look and feel strong, light, and lean, and that affects everything else in my life.
4.Stay connected. “Force” myself to do things that I know will make me feel better and happier, even if I don’t think I feel like doing them. (Ex. Go to the concert even if I’m tired and it’s cold/hot outside.) Relatedly, keep my mind open about what will make me happy. (Go meet up with that friend, keep in touch with family even if it seems like it will feel like a chore. In the end, it usually doesn’t feel like a chore at all. And even if it does, I know it’s the right thing to do.)
5.Regularly get lost in beauty: a film, piece of music, book, sunset, experience, etc. Look at the sky to cleanse my mind. Look at the treeline, the grasses, the horizon, and forget myself and how important I think I am. Enjoy beauty fully, completely, and deeply. Don’t walk with the sole intention of getting somewhere. Look around. (So what if I’m a few minutes late?) Witness and enjoy beauty without having to own it.
6. Don’t look for beauty or happiness. I will miss it in searching. Just do what seems like fun and enjoy what comes my way.
7. Practice self-protection. “Keep thy shop and thy shop will keep thee.” (Benjamin Franklin.) Take care of myself as a habit- (don’t wait until I’m feeling badly.) That means checking to make sure I’ve not left the keys in the lock at night, having a good yoga/visualization/meditation session, making smart choices with my money, doing one thing to improve myself, having a strong and confident voice and posture, making myself a really great cup of tea, reading and learning every day, making an effort in my appearance (but not too much, just enough to look nice and then forget about how I look,) splurging for a fun event… Respect and care about myself the way I would for my parents, my sister…
8.Stay curious, engaged and interested: study, learn a subject, observe, join, read! Most of intelligence is just being genuinely interested, curious, open to new information and enjoying the challenge of learning. (And friendliness doesn’t hurt- it signifies an open mind, which people will be drawn to and divulge things that they have learned.)
9.Congratulate myself even for little accomplishments by saying “I’ve achieved!” Self-esteem comes from getting things done, competently and well, no matter how small those things are. (But I must make sure I am taking on the “big ” things that are important to me as well.)
10.Look and do my best always. Walk and act as though I am beautiful, and believe it. Keep my back straight, my shoulders back, and my chin up, and walk and think with intent and purpose. Slow down, be easygoing, courteous and mindful of others, move and act calmly, and SMILE. Genuinely care about everything I do. Take time to do things right. Frustration leads to both short-term and long-term anxiety, and most of the time it is unnecessary. Efficiency isn’t that difficult. Just think of the little steps that will make a process easier and care enough about doing well to do them.
11.Do something out of the ordinary. Regularly shake up my schedule to keep life interesting, inspiring, adventuresome and fun, and to keep my brain challenged and limber. Loosen up and go with the flow. When in a life rut, the only way to break the cycle is by getting out and doing new things. Then you’ll see new possibilities, new interests, and as you do new things you gain more confidence and inspiration to leave behind what is comfortable but limiting.
12.Don’t wait for the weekend or vacation to live and have fun. Life is now, every minute.
13.Be open, friendly, easygoing, respectful, kind, interested, and “beyond myself” even flirtatious when appropriate :-)But have and respect proper boundaries.
14.STAY ORGANIZED. Keep my place neat and clean. Live simply, and enjoy what I have.
15. Have rituals: movie night with red wine. “Creativity night” on Fridays. Yoga and visualization on Sunday mornings, followed by a spa in my bathroom.
16.Keep in mind the little things that are important to me and make me “me.” Let these things guide me. Wheat fields in summertime. Community. Halloween. Quirky accessories. Clothes with wonderful patterns. Soft colors. Banjo music. The smell of sun-warmed pine and woodsmoke. My reading nook. Writing. Film. Kindness. My screenplay- it doesn’t matter whether it is filmed and makes money or not. The old black-and-white photos at the pioneer village at Nisswa. Being unexplainably struck by certain images and the stories I see in them.
17.Be sensible and rational. An anxious/angry and frustrated mind does not learn. Slow down. Center myself. Relax and release.
18.Take care of problems as they come up, so they don’t weigh on me and drive me crazy. Don’t avoid, linger or complain. Figure out what I am willing to do about it and do it. “Do not store your milk in a sieve and call yourself unlucky” (Afghan proverb.)
19.Consciously make an effort to live my life in balance: be direct, be sensible, be in charge of my life, make my best effort in everything, and enjoy the rewards, so that I have a natural defense against ennui and depression. Make sure I am taking care of the three basics: eating well, exercising vigorously every day, and getting enough sleep. If I am depressed, it is probably because I am lacking in one or more of these areas. If I am depressed despite taking care of the basics, it is because I am not keeping my commitments to myself and what I want.
20.Write!
21.Have fun working. Look at work as free entertainment, and a privilege. Take it on with a sense of wonder and adventure. Nothing feels better than being intensely into something and challenging myself. Show up early, make deadlines way before they are due, and use all that spare time to keep myself ahead, working easily. Forget about comfort, about needing to have things just so. Forget myself and work.
22.Read read read: current events, beautiful articles, stories that make me smile and laugh.
23.Start the day with a smile, and mentally say “I’m excited!” Even if I feel like a dork or feel like I have nothing to smile about. Just the act of smiling will psych you into feeling happy. Sometimes it takes effort to walk a little quicker, to smile a little more and to think a little brighter. But that effort creates energy, leads to inspiration, and builds up the momentum.
24.Let the past be. I can’t get better if I linger on regrets. Everyone has regrets. Realize that I did what I knew how to do, it wasn’t my fault, there is no reason to feel guilty. Do not dwell on losses- that is, do not root yourself in them. Mourn losses with an intent on getting through them and on to what will make you happy. (Whether you believe it or not, you DO deserve to be happy.) When you have gotten through it as best as you can, smile, shrug, and move on! Now is now. I know better now, I’m doing better, and I will continue to get better. Get out of my own way, and STAY out of my own way.
25.Don’t concentrate on or work to fix the old way. Instead, focus and keep working on the new, better way.
26.Do just a little more than I think I can do (or think I want to do.)
27.Regularly do things to honor myself and acknowledge my uniqueness, effort, challenges and victories.
28.Patiently and compassionately make myself do things that make me uncomfortable but are necessary to having a fulfilling life.
29.Acknowledge a bad mood, a moment of insecurity, anger, etc. and let it pass.
30.Choose battles wisely. Let go of pettiness. Stand up for myself and know that I am worth standing up for, see to it that I am getting my fair share, and be relentless when it’s important. But know when it’s not worth being a pit bull about.
31.Act from my center. Direct myself and my life from my center. Yes, a lot of people are just downright mean and will try to pull others down. It is ridiculous, it doesn’t make much sense, but they just are. That does not mean that that is the way of the world. And that does not mean I have to accept it or let it in. Just shrug it off. Do not be swayed by others. If something works for me and doesn’t harm anyone, I don’t care what others think about it.
32.Be humble so as not to be delusional. Forget pride. It’s not about me. Forget myself. I don’t matter so much, really. And that’s a relief, because that means I don’t need to focus so much on myself or on being perfect. Don’t take myself so seriously! Know that there is a good chance I am as dysfunctional, crazy, self-centered, and human as all the other people I think are so imperfect and impossible to deal with. Laugh at myself! My work will be so much better and genuine with my ego out of the way.
33.Ask myself: “What is my goal right now?”
34.Don’t fight my desires. Acknowledge them and work with them. If I want something to happen, throw out the possibility before me, step into it, and forget about it. No expectations. Enjoy what comes my way!
35.Ask: “What am I getting out of this experience that is positive and will help me?”
36.Employ self-discipline: “She who cannot obey herself is commanded.” (a grumbling kudos to Nietzsche for that good advice.)
37.Always have something to look forward to. Help myself to the treats of the world: lots of good stuff to read, events to go to, etc.
38.Realize that change takes time. It takes repetition to develop a bad attitude, and it takes repetition to develop good habits. Know that negative/self-critical/guilty feelings will come now and then. Ignore them. They do nothing for you but hold you back. Ignore what does not help and slows productivity and growth. Change does happen, and it’s well worth the effort and time invested. Also, it takes time to get good at something (and to enjoy it.) I may feel totally incompetent at first, but every time I do it I get better. And then, I do it with confidence.
39.Remember that joy is the essence of success. Do everything with enthusiasm.
40.Create what I want to see in the world.
41.Accept where I am at now, live as though I already have the life that I want, but keep working toward something better. Keep track of accomplishments. Ask “what did I get done these last few months? How am I better?”
42.If I want to do something, don’t think so much about how or which way to go. Start anywhere! (Again, just get out of my own way!) I’ve had great things come about through not knowing what I’m doing, or doing it imperfectly, even messily. Just dive in, experiment and explore. There are many paths that can be taken to a goal, don’t think about the perfect way. You waste time and precious energy trying to choose one. Too many choices confuse and fog the path. Flow doesn’t happen by second-guessing. (The hill gets steeper every day that I don’t do something.)
43.Do things as though I already know how to do them, as if they are easy, second-nature. Things are not as difficult as the over-analyzing mind makes them out to be. To overcome your negative critical mind, (get out of your own way) fake it til you make it! Doing well is all about believing you can do well.
44.Know when to LET GO. Thinking can get to a point of being counter-productive. (This is why I had to stop journaling about myself.) Realize when something has reached that point, accept it where it is at, and move on. You’ll never make things as perfect as you want to make them. And if someone is not giving you anything, leave them. Do not waste precious energy trying to squeeze blood from stone. Things will work themselves out with time and distance, without you meddling with them trying to control them.
45.If this is all too much to think about, narrow it down to this: Don’t try so hard. Don’t freak out about loneliness, aimlessness, time drifting by. First, just concentrate on doing the work you want to do. Then, the people you want to be with will find you (or you will find them) without any effort on your part. Then, voila- without realizing it, you have a life. Forget about comfort or things being perfect. Working hard at what you love is the most important thing. Get up early and do something to get ahead. Do one thing that day to increase my self-esteem, happiness, inspiration, excitement about life.
46.Have a mantra. Ex. “I’m doing well.” “I am in flow.” “Decisive.” “Gregarious.” Fabulous. Talented. Beautiful. Healthy. Easy.
47.Recognize unhealthy obsessions in my life, and know that they are the #1 hindrance to success. Nip them when they rear their heads! (This includes checking email, daydreaming, etc.)Get right back on what I set out to do for the day.
48.Don’t ever hold anyone else’s opinion about me above my own. If someone insults me or treats me badly, just calmly but firmly state my opinion to them if they’ll listen, and if not, just walk away and forget them. It’s not worth it. People have their own personal issues that could be skewing their perception of me. And no one knows or understands the experiences I’ve had. Give myself credit, brush off others’ opinions, and carry on with what I feel is right for me. Shrug it off.
49.No retreating! Life must be lived outside, in the world.
50.Do not be fixated on or envy others’ supposed happiness and perfect lives. No one is perfect; even someone who I think I’m madly in love with has flaws. Do not be distracted from what I want. My life is just fine for me, and I have faith that I will work for what I want in life. Use the precious energy that I am given every day on ME, to improve myself. Do not waste it on trivial things like envy. Find a few things that work for me and stick with them.
51.Take care of my brain. That means cut out the stress. (Recognize that stress and depression are toxic for both body and mind.) Exercise. Drink hemp protein shakes in the morning (great balance of the all-important omega 3 and omega 6 fatty acids)do NOT skip breakfast!! Take B-vitamins (preferably the sublingual version. Very quick-acting and effective for an energy and mood boost.) Take ginkgo biloba. Meditate. Meditation physically alters the mind, and its effects spill over into the rest of life. Drink relaxing teas. Eat regularly and well. Honor a regular sleep schedule. Challenge myself, push myself to learn all I can.
52.Get up at the same time every day (early.) Don’t miss the boat! Getting up at different times every day (and late every day) will throw me off for the entire day. Self-esteem and a feeling of accomplishment depend on the discipline of getting up- resisting temporary comfort, committing to my life, and going for complete dedication to the day. That will make me feel much better than sleeping in, both in the short and long term.
53.Get anger, fear, sadness, guilt and remorse OUT OF YOUR HEAD. They comprise a wall that you will just keep running up against, no matter how diligently you stick to these rules. What do you get out of thinking about them constantly? What is the payoff? Is it worth forgoing what you could have if you just refused to be their victim? IGNORE THEM. You will want to try to “fix” them, but all that does is make you crazy. You just have to ignore it all. Besides, leaving all the negativity behind and having a life is a lot more fun! When stuck in a cycle of negative thoughts, get working on something and stick with it, no matter how strongly negative thoughts keep begging for your attention. The trick is to be patient and diligent. After 20 minutes the negativity will be gone.
54.Most importantly, none of these rules are going to work unless you find the motivation to go forward in life. That means doing the rules even when it doesn’t seem worth the effort. That means, whenever you feel down, finding whatever iota of inspiration you can to build on. And it means remaining dedicated whenever you are feeling “up” and don’t think you need these rules.
Either you are dedicated, or you are not. There is no “in between” or “sometimes.”
All I have to do is commit.
Stay forward-looking :-)
