get my shit together

If I continue to be this happy, this could be easier.

Being happy is much more motivating than not being happy. I should know, I’ve been happy and I’ve been sad – comparing the two, which is better? Easy question, easy answer.

I have an amazing boyfriend, and it has made me so happy recently.

I think it can really help, and it’s what I really need.

I am so sick of the mess that is my life. I need a job, and I have no idea how or where to get one. I don’t even know what I want to do in the first place. I keep racking up debt, and – God – I’ve been out of work for 8 months. Eight fucking months. That looks HORRIBLE to prospective employers.

I’m so sick of my excuses, and my complete inability to fix things. I just don’t know how to fix what’s wrong with my life -

I’m going to try to start with something simple. Wasting time on the internet makes me feel sick, and I do it all the freaking time. From now on, I will only let myself waste time online in the evening, and only if I’ve done some things that are actually productive that day.

God, I just want to give up. This sucks.

Even though I went to bed late last night, I didn’t get up too late today. I’m tired, but I got up. I then did my deliveries, and got finished a bit before 7pm. It’s not the latest I’ve ever finished, anyway. I managed to get it done and have one or two short-ish breaks, to drink some water (it was hot outside) and eat etc. It’s not too bad, I think I did reasonably well. It’s a start at motivation/determination and not procrastinating so much, I suppose!

What does “get my shit together” entail? Let me try and think…

1. Have normal sleep hours, I don’t like the word “normal” but staying up until past 3am, heck sometimes even til 6am most nights – is not it. I admit, that trying to force myself to go to bed at 10pm every night, or something, would not be me – but I sometimes get into the habit of staying up really late. I can’t help if I can’t sleep sometimes, but hopefully most of the time that wouldn’t be a problem. I don’t mind staying up late sometimes, I just want to get into a bit of a better habit. It might take work, OK it will take work, but I want to do it for me, not for anyone else who thinks I should! Also, not because I have to, but because I want to (sometimes). Plus I don’t want to have to get up 7am every day or what have you, but even something like 10am would suit me I think. It’s too often more like 1pm, or even worse 4pm, that’s a day in bed mate! That isn’t what I want every day! I don’t want to be tired though, to try and get a fair amount of sleep.

2. stop procrastinating, simple one this. I know it’s a common problem… basically, yeah, sometimes I don’t mind putting one thing off, to do another thing (obviously we all do that, we can’t do everything at once!!), but sometimes it’s a more common case of, perhaps the same thing every day putting it off, or something… I don’t want any habit like that. Again, it’ll take work, but surely 43thingers can help me – cheer me etc in all of this!? (support helps, I’ve heard)

3. spend less time on the internet, I did/do want to have a computer free day, out of choice (I’ve had days computer free, but not majorly ‘out of choice’ before). Just to prove I can do it, to see how I can spend my time without this. It’s an addiction, sure, once I get on it just sucks me in. I want to use the comptuer for useful and fun things only. Even when I’m on, I want to control my time on it, not let it control me, you know?

Alright, making progress on any of those goals, or any of my others – would be a good start. If I can make a good start. If I could even complete a goal. I even thought about colouring a page in colouring book a day, as to make MORE progress on that!

...I was pretty fed up with things in general. I felt tired all the time (and felt lazy, consequently), ate poorly (sorta junk food vegetarian), procrastinated, was cluttery, and enjoyed slumming around the house in my bathrobe. I knew that I wasn’t living the way I wanted. So I added this goal. And then kind of ignored it… but I didn’t ignore it altogether. Even though this goal was buried in the middle of my list, it was still whispering to me from backstage.

Since I’ve added this goal, I have…

Started exercising 5 or 6 days a week, and discovered I love it. I feel cranky on my “rest” days. Sparkpeople.com is fantastic.

Paid off a big chunk of debt. Still have quite a bit, but it’s going down.

Cleared a pickup truck full of clutter out of my life. I was going through another box of stuff today and found an uncashed check that was a wedding gift a year and a half ago (How mortifying, BTW. Now I have to contact that person about it and let them know I JUST found it.) That just reinforces my desire to sort through everything we own and get organized.

I eat a lot healthier. We hardly ever go out to eat now, and cook up lots of healthy dinners at home. I only drink soda once in a while as a treat instead of every day, and I gave up coffee over 3 weeks ago. Between giving up caffeine, eating better and exercising, my body has fewer aches and pains and I don’t need ibuprofen to get through my day, and I have more energy.

So, that’s what I’ve been doing so far, and I feel like it’s a good foundation, because none of it’s forced… I just felt like it was time to do these things. We’ll see where I keep going from here.

Things are going ok with this goal actually.

- I’m currently on a diet and have 13 pounds to go to reach my goal, which I’m hoping to within a month.
- The diet has necessitated getting up early enough to make myself breakfast in the morning, so I’ve been successful with that.
- I bought a car.
- We’re working on our bedroom now, should be done in a week or so. One more thing off the huge list of house stuff.

Still need to work on my wardrobe, which will come more naturally when I lose more weight. Also need to work on keeping in touch with people more and I still have a bunch of cards and gifts I need to send out.

Keeping my shit together is an ongoing project. I’m marking this as “done” and reopening my “self-efficacy” goal to replace it. Self-efficacy sounds more positive. :-)

I am such a mess. Every day, I drag myself out of bed at the last possible minute, dig through the pile of clothes on the floor, pull something wrinkled and frumpy out, throw it on, look in the mirror with disgust, drag the dog around the block, speed to work in my filthy car, get to work and bumble my way through the day, then come home and spend most of the night screwing around and figuring out what to do for dinner, and go to bed feeling like I haven’t accomplished anything that I set out to do. There are all these things staring me in the face – my camera, my horrible clothing, the dust bunnies on the floor, my unfinished dress, the peeling paint – and I feel too busy to do anything about them, but I can’t figure out what it is that I’m busy doing.

In general, I feel like a disorganized slob, and something’s gotta give. I get so stressed at the thought of doing anything, everything feels overwhelming.

The goal of “get my shit together” is sort of a culmination of a lot of my other goals, but I feel like those goals aren’t going anywhere, so I need to focus on an overhaul. Here are some things that will need to be done for my shit to be considered together>

- lose weight
- get up earlier
- keep the house clean
- get organized at work
- be proactive about cards, gifts, etc.
- dress better
- keep in touch with people
- buy a new car

In general, I need to stop letting the day fly by and feeling at the end like the previous 24 hours was a waste of time.

I feel like this is almost the same as ‘stop procrastinating’ in fact it probably is, I only first added it because of that Fountains Of Wayne song, and also there’s an Oasis lyric “Get your shit together girl”.

Hmm… step by step, I guess.

I have a bank account again, after two years! It was easier than I expected. This type of thing usually is. I paid off the debt collection company, waited a month, had them send me a letter saying the account was settled, and went to BofA to open an account.

My car will have a new engine by the end of the day today, after a year. This was not easier than I expected, but it feels good to have done it.