Learn more about my parents

I had a discussion recently with my folks on behalf of a family member. There was a misunderstanding and a few hurt feelings so I wanted to (calmly) help clear the air.
That worked fine but it led into another discussion. You know how when you get emotional, you don’t always censor what you’re saying and sometimes a real truth comes out? Well, that’s what happened – from my mom.
She said 1 or 2 things which surprised me. Surprised my dad too. They weren’t bad or hurtful but they gave me pause. I think they actually will help me make sense of a few of MY own issues. And…it served to remind me that my parents are people too…with their own issues.

Today is the 57th anniversary of my parents 1st date. For as long as I can remember, including today, my father regales us (or me) with the story. The highlights -

It was a National Guard Valentines Day dance.
Mom didn’t really want to go but they had friends in common so they went with a group.

Mom wore a blue dress and Dad was on cloud 9 having “this blonde beauty on my arm”.

By the end of the evening, Dad says he knew he’d marry her and pretty much said as much to her.
Mom, of course, thought he was nuts but admits that he was cute – she thought he looked liked William Holden.

I guess that did the trick because they’ve been married 55 years.
Thank you William Holden.

for almost a month visiting my brother in Reno.
I need to figure out a way to make this goal work. I want them to want to share, to reminisce with me. It has to be fun…and easy. I’m going to dig out my tape recorder. I think it’ll make it a more natural conversation and it would capture the craziness that comes from both of them trying to remember the same thing – often it becomes like an Abott and Costello routine!

When my parents are gone I will wish I could ask them more about themselves. Just because they haven’t been forthcoming doesn’t mean I can’t ask. I can show an interest and try to get to know them better. I know it’s sad that an adult doesn’t know her own parents, but that’s what happens in families where the parents are too troubled to be close to their kids. I’m an adult now, so I’m responsible for my own relationsips, even with my elders. Now the problem is I have to overcome my resistance to this. It’s not easy with all of the ugly history and feelings. I just have to try to be strong for my future self show is going to wish I did this if I don’t.

was my parents are like Abbott and Costello. You’d think after almost 55 years, they’d be able to read each other’s minds or at least listen to each other. Nope, they talk over each other, correct and contradict each other and look to me to “settle the score”. Nope, I won’t touch that one. I just smile and chuckle. They are really cute together.

Anyway, we had a very nice dinner and did a little shopping afterwards (them, not me – I just drove). I didn’t get a chance to ask anything new but it was enjoyable just the same.

I ran into my folks at the bank this morning and they mentioned they were going out to dinner. When they asked me to join them, my 1st reaction was I had too much to do. Then I realized I hadn’t spent any time with them as planned, asking questions, etc. I told them I probably would. It’ll be fun to see what I learn tonight.

I went to see my folks to get photo albums with kid pics of me. I decided I wanted to scan some for my files (and help find my inner child?).

My folks have lots of albums with pics of their “youth” and they’re fun to look at. My mom found several of those nightclub table pictures (late 40’s-early50’s) when she used to go out alot.

One of them was dated January 1952. It was mom with a guy in a group at a table. She looked at the date and said to Dad “When did we start going out?” and he said “Valentine’s Day 1952”. “Oh yeah” she says “this is the guy you made me stop seeing”.

Boy, I just gotta hear THAT story! I told them to start remembering but to wait until the weekend “I’LL BE BACK”. This is going to be fun…..!

today at the mall, I went into Borders, remembering I had a gift card. I wasn’t sure what to get until I found a “Family album”. It’s like a family tree in book form. Scanning thru it, I realized how this would work for this goal. I already have a lot of the info – maternal side, paternal side – but it includes things about my parents – how they met, who arranged their first date, etc. I plan to speak to my folks. Tell them that together I’d like to do this. I’m thinking my dad with be cool with it, but not too sure about mom.

I need to know more about them while they’re still around. Learning about them will help me learn about myself. I need to think about how best to approach this goal – any suggestions?

How little i know about my parents… I don’t know what was their lives as youngsters, i don’t know how they met, i don’t know how i was conceived (well, don’t misunderstand me there, i know technically how), i don’t know why and how they got married after my birth.

I know a bit about my mother as we lived us two for years and learnt to communicate and sge confied herself to me a few times.

But i just can’t ask a thing to my dad. We’re not used to talk about serious things. I feel he’s weaker emotionnally than I (and I feel kinda the same towards my mother). I saw him cry once and almost had to confort him and i do never want this to happen again.

He told me about my birth once, without me asking anything and i was cool, even if he was obviously very moved. But i’m so afraid of asking.

And I need to know who I am, where I come from.

For me.

And for my future child(ren). If. :)