eliminate the words "I'm Sorry" unless I really really mean it.

Saying “I’m sorry” seems to have been a way to please people in my life. I am beginning to see that my fear of losing/abandonment is playing out through using this phrase.

Instead, I want to live the truth. Someone here has written about substituting this for anger. I will consider how anger is part of this for me as well.

Getting a lot better. :D

...I was off work ill and went into counselling to try and see what had stressed me out so much. One of the things was a combination of a misplaced sense of repsonsibility and not being able to express anger in the right places. So, I’ve started letting people know when I’m upset and stopped saying sorry so much. This hasn’t always been smooth and has got me into trouble at work a couple of times (ironically requiring me to then apologise for my use of words), but I feel so much better knowing that the thing that upsets me can be confronted there and then. I’m still saying sorry of course, I don’t think I’ll ever stop, but I’m trying to say it when I mean it now rather than a blanket coverage for not facing up to what’s really going on.

I’m still doing pretty good on this. I can’t remember the last time I said it that I didn’t mean it.

It also does a lot of good to stay away from people that make you feel like you’re always doing something wrong.

I’m getting a lot better about this. Still saying it when I probably shouldn’t be, but it’s hard to break a habit like that.

I still appologize automatically when someone else runs me down in a supermarket, but I have otherwise overcome this in the past few years. I used to have the hardest time appologizing for every little mistake I made in my work and practice and life, but now I just say okay and try harder. It also makes me feel more positive about my life, like I’m not just screwing up every little thing, because eventually those things right themselves anyway, and that’s really what’s imporatant.

...I find that I talk a lot less these days anyway what with all the travelling I have to do. The density of people is lower here so there’s less jostling, bumping and swerving that there was in London. I am more conscious of when I say “Sorry” now, but it does feel kind of hot-wired into my English/British brain. I am cutting down though, so it’s a half thumbs up for this goal.

I did NOT uphold this goal yesterday.

My boss asked me to write a letter to the bigwigs before she left for a business trip. She didn’t give me any guidance or instructions for it. I wrote the letter, and sent it out with a little help from my secretary, who “approved” it. One of our board members emailed me to tell me that she liked the letter, which obviously made me very happy.

When my boss got back from the business trip, she complimented me on the letter. She said it was beautifully written, with “just the right mix of information and invitation”; she was very impressed. BUT-(isn’t there always a but?)- she had received a complaint from another board member, who said that this letter should not have gone out under my name, but should have gone out under my boss’ name.

This board member is a real pain in the butt, and my boss wasn’t really upset about it. In fact, she kind of rolled her eyes when she spoke about that pain board member. But I kept on apologizing anyway, because that’s what I do: I apologize, it seems, for my very existence. Later, I thought about it: why should it be under her name, when I am the one who wrote the letter? In fact, I would be very hesitant to sign anyone’s name to a letter that she didn’t even read, let alone write.

I spoke to a few people after, to get their input, and it seems I should have put my boss’ name on the letter and not mine. But the point is not whether I was wrong or right, the point is that I was apologizing, as usual, for a non-offense. I wasn’t told what to do, I used my best judgement, and made an minor error. It’s okay to make errors, it should be expected, as a matter of fact, of someone relatively new to an office atmosphere, and my boss wasn’t at all asking for an apology- she just wanted me to know what happened.

I have got to stop apologizing for being human. I certainly have to stop apologizing for doing my best. I don’t owe anyone apologies for being me.

i certainly feel as though i have completed this goal. i stopped saying sorry to him all of the time for trivial things and it has made our relationship stronger because i showed him that i am not just a wimpy little girl who is so unsure of herself that she has to apologize for everything.

i just realized that sorries only go so far.

when what perhaps I meant was something else, like – pardon me, or some better verson of “oh dear” “oh bother” – geez, whassup wit dat? Anyway, I’m taking all suggestions of replacement sayings for when you accidentally bump someone in the store, or when a friend suffers some misfortune and you react… but I won’t say I’m sorry that I can’t explain any better than this…;)