Why are bars so dark and loud I can never get any work done 4 months ago

Yesterday I was downstairs with my dad while he was feeding the cat and he says “I can’t believe you’re just walking away like that!”

And I say ”???”

And then he goes over to the cat that must have just walked away and pleads “you’ve gotta eat!”

Something about this was really hilarious to me. 5 months ago

How is pie not a health food? This is like the only fruit I’ve had in weeks. 5 months ago

Aagh I accidentally left the store without having a clerk remove the safety lock on my handle of gin. LUCKILY, I got the plastic bottle (I think technically it’s gin flavored vodka, only the best!) so I could saw off the neck with a bread knife. 5 months ago

This is what happens when you rush to trim your own bangs during a commercial break. 6 months ago

It just took way too much effort to eat that artichoke. Well… one day closer to death. I am having one of those weeks/months. 6 months ago

apathy 6 months ago

So I was on my way to my very first job interview and OF COURSE I get a flat tire, because my life is poetically tragic like that. So, in my very best interview clothes, I put on my compact spare and try to get back home.. and some guy flags me down and is like “Your tire’s flat!” So I drive around downtown and find a place to pull over and check it out… it’s FINE! Fine for a compact spare, anyway. I KNOW HE WAS TRYING TO HELP, BUT LEAVE ME ALONE. THE CAR’S DRIVING, RIGHT? IT’S A COMPACT SPARE OBVIOUSLY I’M DRIVING TO GET IT FIXED.

So that happened. 7 months ago

One time at Subway I stood in line behind a guy with a vagina in a winged coffin tattooed on the back of his neck. 7 months ago

I am having this early 20’s thing where I feel as though everyone is racist and sexist and basically a huge asshole. 9 months ago

I have problems. 10 months ago

My hair is TEAL! Not just teal, I mean TEAL!!!! :D10 months ago

Writing in LaTeX makes my brain hurt and I can’t do it for more than like 15 minutes at a time. 10 months ago

I suppose not all is as it seems.
I just need to let go, and look at the big picture. And remember there will be more, better people for me. Should’ve known from the get-go. Oh well, what can you do? 11 months ago

If I want truly beautiful children I am going to have to obtain the genetic material of my gay half Asian banker. 11 months ago

I think a hobo stole my beer bong out of the yard. WHAT IS THE WORLD COMING TO?! 11 months ago

I’ve been spending way too much time by myself. 12 months ago

It feels like, almost every friend I’ve made on my own has this persona of someone who is hipster, or fake, or ignorant; something that I can see that they aren’t. But when it’s just us hanging out they’re super awesome, I can tell that are being sincere to themselves, and I can see this potential amazingly intelligent person in them, but they seem to be choosing not to show this side to anyone else.
This may be because every said person is only my age (14-15) and they are still trying to find who they are who they want to be and the type of people they want to hang around with. Not to say I know exactly who I am yet, but I’m pretty secure in the type of person I want to be and in my true thoughts and feelings on things, I’d like to think anyway.
I’m trying to be mean, or bitchy, it just saddens me, to see they aren’t being all they could be.
But, maybe I’m just being too judgmental or something.. 12 months ago

My eyes hurt.
And I would just like to tell no one in particular that for every wrong thing I do, I do at least 1 right thing!!!! ACTUALLY I DO ABOUT INFINITY RIGHT THINGS BECAUSE LIFE IS ONE CONSCIOUS ACTION, AND I ONLY MAKE MISTAKES LIKE EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE. SO IF EVERYONE COULD RELAX ON BEING A CONDESCENDING BITCH TO ME THAT WOULD BE GREAT. 12 months ago

May the Fourth be with you.. ♥12 months ago

I have no, and never will have any respect or sympathy for you. I will never even pity you. You’re not worth pity.

That is all. 13 months ago

Today, I saw a covered up dead body of a man. Not 10 feet away lay his completely totaled motor bike. A little ways down the road were two women sitting in the road surrounded by family and friends and a cop. They were both historical. Crying, sobbing. They had gotten hit, though he was the one who fell victim.
This is the 2nd or 3rd dead person I’ve been covered up in the street within these last 3 weeks.. I feel that it’s some sort of sign, a warning maybe, but I can’t figure out what of.. so, for now, I will appreciate every minute of my life, and that I have not yet had to go through any tragedy; as I’ve seen how quickly all that can end.. 14 months ago

Nice weather we’re having lately, eh? 14 months ago

I ♥ my penpal. 15 months ago

This situation calls for.. Bacon! 15 months ago

DAMN YOU, OVARIES!15 months ago

One time someone gave me a candy necklace. Later that day I was eating the candy and someone else told me that the candy necklace giver had had a threesome while wearing it. >:[ I just remembered that. 23 months ago

Something has been making me hateful and unmotivated lately.. I think I’m getting sick. 1 year ago