Sometimes I get this scary thought, that if were absolutely free from all responsibilities, i.e. work, family, shopping, friends, I wouldn’t get out of bed ever. I wouldn’t go out, I wouldn’t take a shower, I wouldn’t be creative and finally fulfil my dreams. No, I think I would spend all my time sleeping. There would be nothing that gets me out of bed, nothing I would be inspired to do, nothing to make value of my time.
This thought or maybe realization scares me immensely, this is so not the person I want to be. I want to be this active, out-going, living! person from the coffee ad world. That get’s everything done easily. When I look at myself I see the contrary. It’s not that I don’t get anything done, but it is all because I have to in one way or the other. Because it is expected by my boss, my family, society.. whatever.
I see all my friends who are doing things. I am very impressed by what they get done. The rebuild and decorate the house, the do the garden, they plan the next holiday, they do weekend trips, they spend hours finding the cheapest prices for something, doing research on the best other thing, they have regular check-up at doctors without being sick, they organize parties, they plan their households and budgets, they get the right insurances and saving plans, they buy funds and stocks, they follow their passions, they cook, they make lists and plans for almost anything in their life.
I don’t do any of this. I do what needs to be done, I go out and see people because they asked, I buy stuff that needs to be bought, I go to the gym because I think I need to etc.
I do spend a lot of time thinking about what I am doing, whether it is the right thing, what I should do with my life – without ever doing anything. As my friend pointed out: I am obviously not even coming up with any answers, so I might spend my time differently anyway. And he’s right. But why is this so hard?
