do not allow past feelings to ruin future possibilities. Be strong.

Although I have a continuous correspondance with the boy from home, I have met a new boy who occupies my mind every minute of every day. I don’t know if anything will come of it, but I’m crushing hard. It’s hard to not feel guilty crushing on a boy at school while he’s away, but he’s not my boyfriend. He just likes me. Hmmmm….

Well, you can’t help who you like. And I am definitely in like with this new guy <3

(The above was all written before I realized what an amazing PRICK this kid is. Although I do still have feelings for him, his douche-baggery is helping me get over it… )

And he was my first true love. Nothing ever came of it, it was unrequited. The pain of rejection ripped me apart. I made myself sick with depression and beat myself up until I was almost unrecognizable. Suffice to say this was just the catalyzt of self-esteem issues that already plagued my life…but self-destruction was a temporary state of being and eventually I had to learn to deal. I was lucky enough to have a close-knit group of friends who taught me to love myself again…well, maybe not love. But at least like. God helped me too. Without him I don’t know where I would stand anymore…I used desperate measures to allow myself closure and to heal my wounds. I picked my first love apart to the bones, removing any and all traces of feelings I had for him. I would always love him but I would never forget the pain I now pair his presence in my life with. I had to move on. I had to try to put the past in the past…

today he told me that before I left for college and he left for half a year abroad in missions that he had feeligns for me…he said he didn’t want to see me go and come back to find me with someone else…

I don’t think I could ever feel more ecstatic and more deeply depressed at the same time in my entire life…..

what do I do now?