Complete a 30 day bikram yoga challenge

That’s all I got. Ok, well here’s something. I was really set on completing 30 days at one spot but a friend suggested a new place near my home so I gave it a shot. Here’s my lesson for the day. Bikram is always the same; it’s never about the people, the instructors; the class it will always be about me—just me. Because my determination for this class was so clear, things that would normally tick me off just dripped away with the sweat that ran down my face. Lovely class, hard, but lovely.

Another thing that I tuned into today was my difficulty with a particular position called Ardha – Kurmasana. From day one I have never held this position all the way through. It requires that you blindly and fully expose your heart chakra. I always thought it was just the contortion of the position but today I realized the irony of my difficulties with it. One of my consistent prayers of recent days has been my determination to open my heart up to more freely give and receive love. I am going to pay more attention to this position in the days to come.

Additionally, I think I found my time so to speak. I won’t have to rush from work when I return from my vacation or try to get up for morning classes—‘cause between you and me, that ain’t gonna happen. This is an important decision for me. I always hold myself to goals or promises that do not always reflect what’s best for me. Oh and last, last thing, I didn’t sit out any poses out. Not one.

8pm is so fresh!

Namaste,
Nickey

Yea! First day of class and it was like coming home. My goal for this first class was be kind to myself. I sometimes catch myself saying things like “I’m so bad at this, I suck”. And I do it in regards to just about everything. So today, my goals weren’t grand, or impressive. Just be kind, and nice to me.

It’s been so long since I last took a class so I knew it was going to be a challenge. But I went into class determined to not leave, to be fully prepared (had 8 hrs of sleep, I took my class at 10am and got up early enough to have breakfast 2 1/2 hrs before class—and was super hydrated). I even created a mantra before class to repeat to myself whenever things got tough. Over and over again, I said to myself “I can do this, I’m strong enough to get through this”, and when things really got hard I came up with a new one.. “yea, you’re doing it, I’m so proud of you”.

That last one didn’t really go over all that well. The Brooklyn New Yorker in me replied, “Oh shut up this isn’t the special Olympics, it’s Bikram bitch”—to which I almost laughed out loud. My teacher saw me and commented “see Bikram makes you happy, you just want to smile out of no where”. I thought to myself “If you only knew”. Another way I prepared was that I pre planned to sit only twice, and only through one pose at a time; which if you’re easing [back] into Bikram is a really good idea. If you know you can sit twice (or whatever your personal goal), but only twice, then you challenge yourself to pick the right moment to sit through. So the other conversation I had with myself throughout class was “Really? You’re gonna sit through this one, but this isn’t even all that hard, and you’re not in any pain…so man up”. Another smile—and this time the very cute lanky guy in front of me, caught it in the mirror and smiled back—smile widened.

Another tip I discovered for myself today. If I get out of breath and find myself breathing hard, it’s usually because I’m either holding my breath, breathing too hard or fast. If I consciously slow down my breathing I gain air and my heart slows a bit and I will even cool down enough to continue. The amazing thing about concentrating on my breath is that I stopped thinking about the release, the next sip of water, or the next opportunity to rest in the Savasana position. Instead of chasing after the next pose or “just getting through it”, I was able to be in the moment fully and by doing so, time came to me. I’m not sure if that makes any sense but so often we chase after the next thing, or the right person, or best job or whatever. So instead of grasping for the next moment, I stood strong and still and just breath and what I needed and wanted (which was to complete this class having done my best), came to me. Completion came to me.

And I felt so much joy. What I want you to know about me and this challenge is that I don’t like to exercise. I’m not the chick who will opt to walk if offered a ride. Hell, I usually don’t need anyone to offer me a ride; I just hail it—Taxi! The desire to complete this challenge isn’t in my heart;I’d much rather drink a nice cold glass of rose and read a good and/or trashy book, but it is in my soul and the results that I seek are so much deeper than the physical. More on that as the days continue.

Namaste. Now I’m going to do something else fun—I’m on vacation!

Be Well,
Nickey

ARGHHHH….so hard! I discovered that the day before a major undertaking such as this one is as important as the days to follow… But I did not know this when it would have counted the most—last night. Much beer and little sleep lead to foggy brained day. As such, I did not take my first class today.

Any other day I would have made myself take that class and I would have suffered for it. And I would have complained up a storm; if not out loud certainly within my own thoughts and I might have missed out on discovering the joy in what I was doing. I think choosing to stay one more day during which I truly prepare myself physically, mentally and emotional is the kindest thing I’ve done for myself in a very long time. Today is my first lesson of this challenge— that I don’t have to suffer in any areas of my life.

What I didn’t mention here yesterday but I shared with my friends is that I also planned to start a 7 day detox prescribed by my health counselor and revive my Buddhist practice as well. And I did! That’s what made today so wonderful and victorious after all! I originally planned to chant for only 15 mins throughout the day for a total of 2 hrs. (Nam-myoho-renge-kyo—if you would like more information on this Buddhism just reply with your questions) but the first session felt so good that I kept going. I’m down to 15 mins which I will get in before bed. At one point I literally felt my heart open. I chanted for my most difficult personal relationships. I chanted for each person’s happiness and for my own ability to see the Buddha (that they are prefect just as they are) in them while revealing my own Buddha hood (my own innate perfection). I chanted to show them love, and be open to receive love from them in whatever form, however much they can offer. I chanted for a great love…and for it to storm into my life, and to physically feel happiness. And I did—I do.

I also feed myself such amazing foods today. I felt absolutely divine as I became conscious of each bit of food that entered my body. I had a deeper understanding of what it means to feed ones soul. I took my time at the market, touching each of my selections and searching for perfection. After all I am a goddess so I should have the very best. Trust me, that last sentence does not come easy to me. I pray that I will feel the same tomorrow. But as with the ebb and flow of life I am certain, there will come a day in between now and day 31 that I will exclaim “I’m fat, and I’m ugly to boot”. But not today, today I am beautiful. I nurtured both my soul and my body and I’m ready to add to my growth in class tomorrow morning.

Tomorrow I begin the challenge of a life time. Ok, maybe lifetime is a bit of an over statement, but I don’t want to understate my lack of discipline or focus for that matter. For me this will be a big, huge deal and it will require a lot of mental will power on my part as well as physical adaptability.

I always loved Bikram yoga—and then I didn’t. I realized recently that I still enjoyed Bikram, but I just hated some of the studios I was practicing at. Like a love affair that ended too soon I’ve missed the beauty, compassion, and emotional push that I received at Bikram Union Square. So that’s where I will engage in this challenge.

Please understand me; I’m not one to push myself beyond my comfort levels in my personal life. For work, for family and friends—I go the extra mile. But for me I tend to give up before I’ve achieved my desired goal. So the most important practice that I wish to develop from these 30 possibly 60 days is that of deep unbinding love of self. I will sweat for my happiness, to gain strength, to better my health, and develop the learned habit of making time without regret for myself.

I want to document this journey to remind myself of my daily struggles, accomplishments and yes, that I do possess inner strength. I also want to remind myself to be gentle with me….

Come along with me as I begin this journey.

Namaste