fall madly in love

A few weeks of it & I’m exhausted. I’ve gone out with 5 different guys and not a one seems promising. I’m going to give up again….pursuing dating just doesn’t work, but neither does just “waiting” for “something” to happen. I don’t know why it is so hard for people like me to connect with others. I feel like an alien again today…

I went out with someone recently who I really like. I’m not sure how it went. From my perspective it was a success, but because I find him very attractive, I was nervous and therefore shy, so I don’t know if he liked me.

I have not heard from him still, so I don’t know if I will ever. You just never know with guys…
I’d be disappointed, but I do have some other people waiting in the wings, so to speak. Of course, the ones I am really drawn to never respond as well to me…. :sigh:

SOO….hmmmm….uummm….yeah…I know I put up this big front about wanting to be independent and not needing anyone but….It gets pretty lonely sometimes …don’t get me wrong …i do fine 90% of the time but sometimes I just get really sad . Judging by my name on 43things someone would think i’m some crazy lesbian lol …but I’m not …I’m just like any other girl …I wanna fall madly in love.I think my problem is that I shut every guy out . I’m so scared of being taken for a ride or being used that I’ve never let any guy get close to me.Being Indian I know what kind of hypocrites we are. We sneak around ,date (basically do everything any normal person would do) and still frown upon it.I know there’s nothing wrong with dating and wanting to find love but I see the way Indian people look down at a girl who has a boyfriend (like she’s some kind of slut) ...Don’t even ask what people say about the girls who’ve had more than one boyfriend ….I know I shouldn’t care what people think of me but I do and I think that the reason my friends and other people my age treat me with respect is because I’ve never dated….A few years ago ..probably when I was 15 it seemed like a small sacrifice (because really …the only thing people seem to be judging a girls character is weather shes seeing someone or not …it dosen’t matter if she came up with a cure for cancer …she’s just a dumb slut if she’s seeing someone …harsh words I know ..but it’s true …Any Indian who denies the existence of this attitude towards women is a liar)but now I’m 19 and actually starting to feel like a freak that I’ve never actually dated ….I hate having to admit this but at the back of my mind I keep hoping that one day the right guy will be able to see through my the tough girl attitude and understand the REAL me (ok…no more chick flicks for me lol..) ...RIGHT….now that I’ve gotten all this off my chest ..I think I can sleep better …Pheww…!

again…

I’m a bit scared of falling in love because I fear losing people.

I am usually very reserved with love, and i would love to be able to find the right girl that would just make me completely change so that i can’t control myself when im around her, and spend every moment smiling because i can’t keep thoughts of her from my mind. I cant just achieve this goal though, so instead i will try to open my heart to the possibility and hopefully love will find me in time.

I think this is one of those ‘it’ll happen when it happens’ type of goals – so I’m moving this down the list a bit ;)

what a surprise… :)

Edward cullen dosen’t count right ?

There is something depressing about seeing goals like this, year after year, just sitting there…
I’m starting to feel like I’m going to be alone my whole life. Not being dramatic….just resigning myself to reality.

“There are things worse in life than never being someone’s sweetie” – Morrissey