Take better care of myself, after all I am my most important asset and the person I will wake up to every single day of my life

i want to feel free again. i need it.

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_a7jkcMVp5Vg/SY7XDkPvAcI/AAAAAAAAIB8/4tIcL4Yli7M/s1600-h/die.jpg

just a little cold coming on (well i tend to sufer badly for a couple of days at a time).
this is a great opportunity to work on this goal and take good care of myself for the next couple of days (and life afterwards).
vitamin c, liquids and love is all i need!

dont forget this goal – its helping (big cheezy grin)

Okay so this situation involves heaps of backstory, however I don’t really feel like going into it.

Basically I’ve made one of my friends really really happy at the cost of something that makes me really really happy.

Vague enough for you?

I mean, I’m not necessarily going to end up upset, the thing that I might lose isn’t necesarily going to be lost, but I have this feeling that nothing good for me is going to come of all this.

So surprise surprise I’m miserable.

I know I’m going about this all wrong, but the thing that tops it all off is that the person I’m making these sacrifices actually has the balls to call me self-centred behind my back.

That, I really do not appreciate, especially coming from her. After everything I’ve done for her lately.

After this giant sacrifice I’m about to make.

So… my throat kills, I have a headache and my tonsils have weird mucusy crap on them (too much information right?). Although It would be a clever idea to stay home and rest, I know that I’ll get more work done at school considering I have exams next week. So I’m at school, however this morning I spent $26 on things to take care of myself with.

• orange juice
• strepsils (the super throat numbing type)
• soothers
• water and salt (to gargle… ew)
• a bag to put it all in/save me from having to carry my binder.

And yes, that money should have been saved towards Christmas presents for my friends, but I decided that they’d probably enjoy my being alive more than they would more elaborate gifts, besides, I’ve got a “in” at the local jewellery store so I figure I can get a discount on the things I want to buy.

In other kinda unrelated news last night I got into another fight with my father, and normall when we “fight” its a matter of him yelling and me just agreeing, last night I actually spoke up, and sure it means he’s going to be upset at me for longer, but I don’t really care because at least I stood up for myself.

I really hope I can manage not to let this stuff impact on my exams, hopefully I’ll be better before then so my throat won’t be an issue, but this crap with my dad I cannot let effect me since it’s obviously not going to go away and if I want to kick ass in this last year of school I can’t let it ruin my chances.

I guess it’s finally kicking in that this is my future, and that at the end of the day once I turn 18 it legally is my life so I don’t want to waste any of it just because my dad is in a bad mood.

This time next year I’m going to be free, and when that happens There is nothing that can stop me from making the most of things, so yeah, I’m putting myself first and I do feel a bit guilty at times but in the end that’s just what I’ve got to do.

Edit: okay so what I really wanted to do today was to stay home and make my boyfriend come over so I could bake him a birthday cake and give him his box of cats.

But Here I am making sacrifices that are ultimately better for me. It’s like in economics, having Toddy come over would have been a consumer good, great for the short run and satisfying of wants, but going to school and working is a capital good which means it’s going to pay off in the long run.

AND I just applied economics to real life. So ha!

... and trying to be a good friend, that sometimes I forget to look after myself.

And I’m not the kind of person who expects anyone else to look out for her.

I used to be more independent, and I want that feeling back.

I want to look after myself instead of waiting for help that hardly ever comes.

I love my friends, don’t get me wrong, but I guess that I get so caught up in trying to please them that I forget myself.

Not any more.