stick to my FLYLADY routines

I have gone insane!!! I sware on a stack of Bibles, I have had it!
I can’t do this anymore. I can’t live like this. It is disgusting, embarrassing, shameful, ruining my life, exhausting mentally / physically and emotionally. It is 3:41 am and I am hunting on a computer for “How to CLEAN” TIPS for crying out loud! WT* ? Routine a simply routine. What time do I do the laundry how long will it take…crap like this is going through my mind. A small load will take me a certain amount of time verses a super load, which, now I can’t afford to just do the small loads anymore and with my income right now it just aint working for me. does my laundry still get clean? I HAVE OCD! No, clinically have OCD. Then why the HELL is my house NOT CLEAN? Does this make sense? Humiliation. My sisters home is a home. A HOME is supposed to be Clean. I hate feeling like I have to measure up to her by how clean it is. It sickens me…literally! Which, then I have to clean THAT up TOO! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Christie in Pa.

This is slowly getting better. I still have a block when it comes to washing up; for some reason even the smallest bit overwhelms me and I put it off but my timer is helping me here. I enjoy tackling a new room every week because I like to be able to see the progress. Still having trouble finishing a room off though, I get a bit panicky but I can’t work it out. For example, I cleaned the whole bathroom and the last bit to do was the windows. I have put them off until the next time I’m in the bathroom zone even though I had time to do them. At least I’m recognising this in myself, even if it makes no sense! I must push through and finish something!!

I think the flylady routine is too difficult for me, even with babysteps. So for now I am taking it back to little tiny ant steps and after spending 15 minutes on the computer doing “my stuff” (ie having fun) I have then been dealing with 5 things in the house, whether that’s clothes or washing up or stuff to be put out for recycling. I’ve only done it for a day so far but already things seem on the up.

My timer really IS my best friend. So I’m taking the theory from Flylady but using my own methods for the moment. You never know, I might even work up to a full 15 minutes of housework eventually!

Oh i don’t feel any further along with this than when i first found flylady 5years ago! Feeling like such a useless wretch at the moment. I’ve just got out of a relationship which demanded all my spare attention due to bad moods. I need a yay to remember to do my routines. I may just take to sticking instructions on the wall’s. They won’t make the place look any worse.

Now that I’m taking my pictures everyday, I wanted to show off my shiney bathroom sink! Woohoo!

This now coincides with another goal but I do want to keep this in my 43things list until these routines really start sticking to me.

I keep dropping the ball after a few days, so I’m going to consider a solid month of sticking to routines as my cut-off point. I’ll let my schedule goal sweep up the leftovers if I stray occasionally. Gotta leave room for life y’know.

Shined that ole sink again last night.. This time, extra nice, with a little extra spit shine going on. ;) Let’s just say that ole bathroom sink was just glimmering this morning. Heh.. it did make a difference.. It got me thinking about how to make little differences all around the place.. and that got me thinking about my business again.. so this is a good thing.. having me thinking more about the things I want in my life.

I shined my (bathroom) sink last night. It’s my main sink right now because it’s a houseshare and the kitchen is almost a lost cause.. due to a doggie.. at any rate, the sink was nice this morning..

onto the next step from FlyLady.. and no, I will not wear laced-up shoes every day.. sorry, I like my slip ons.. and besides, I’m freaking poor… But I will “get dressed” and ready for the day. I find that fair enough for me.

I remember when I was on a roll with that, and how much more ready for the day I really was. So much more could get done..

Only thing is, in the future, on days off, I will have a slow moving morning, that I can enjoy by having a cup of coffee and hanging out in slippers for a time.. but I will have to agree to have a stopping point where I will then get ready for the day.

Last night I was in a major slump and had a really bad back ache.. wah wah wahlol So I opted for being a bed potato and just got lazy.

But.. I feel a lot better today and had a realization.. if I expect to be able to take care of the dreams that I want to happen in my life, I need to be able to take care of myself first. And right now it doesn’t feel like I’m making life easy for myself.

So.. I’m hoping my internal heart to heart was a good way to kick start some stuff.. On a brighter note, I need actually clean up some stuff in the bathroom though.. It looks a little more put together now, and not so cluttered.

I have not touched this goal in a very long time. I was on a role at one point, but then life kicked into erratic mode and I lost all sense of routine…

Anyway, for some reason, today, I felt like it was time to do it. Now, I live in a shared house, and I’m technically considering the kitchen sink to NOT be the sink I shine every night, because there is an annoying dog that resides in the kitchen area who messes everything up.. daily..

But I will focus on the basement, where I live for now, and there is a bathroom sink that I will shine every night. It will be my sink to shine, and the area to keep clean and tidy.

It’s a start.. I think I just really need to do this right now. It’s for so much more than a clean house or a tidy this or that.. it’s to help me think differently.