Be more social and confident

Changed the goal name from “Be more outgoing and confident” to “Be more social and confident”. For some reason the outgoing part in the goal name bothered me. I don’t think I could be a full on extrovert. Not because I think I’d fail in that goal but because I do enjoy being an introvert sometimes. I like my alone time when I put it to use. I just want to be able to socialize more. I’ve kept myself in a shell for such a long time. I’m getting better though. I can see little changes when it comes to my thoughts and how I interact with other people.

I’ve been able to start small talk with random people on campus now. Still have this mental fight with myself about whether I should start one and risk sounding like an idiot when I talk to people, but I’m getting better at beating that mental voice down. Its easier for me to see perfect opportunites to start up some small talk, although I admit I have skipped a couple out of fear or anxiety.

I also have a couple people in my classes that I regularly talk to. I usually don’t talk to anyone, but this semester I’m trying to make sure I have at least one person in each class I talk to regularly. It helps with working on my social skills and some of these people might become friends. I’m also looking into getting involved on campus. I still feel like a social retard, but significantly less than when I first started this goal. I realize that all of this “socially retarded” thinking is in my head, because no one else seems to see it(or maybe they’re just too polite to tell me). I need get over those thoughts, but its like they’ve been engraved into my head.

As for the confidence portion of this goal, I know I’ve always had it. I just need to focus on having it with me in whatever I do. I am insanely competitive when it comes to bets, sports, and videogames, but when it comes to something like meeting people, my confidence just runs off and does its own thing.

College started again this week for me. This is probably the best time to work on this goal and couple others as well. At the beginning of the week, I gave into some anxieties and felt like I was going insane. Now that the weeks over though, I’m looking back at it and realize that I did pretty well. Having random conversations on campus is much easier than outside of it. I realized there are a ton things I can talk about. Its not hard at all to keep a conversation going anymore. I just need to get more comfortable with starting conversations.

So I’ve been working on this goal every chance I get. I’ve been trying to make some small talk with strangers who just happen to be next to me. I don’t feel so awkward when I start up a conversation. Its not so bad actually once it starts.

Yesterday was another small step. A friend invited me come with her to watch a play of a friend of hers. There was going to be a group of friends from her dance crew there she wanted me to meet. I recognized two people in the audience when we got there, so my nerves got calmed down a bit. Got introduced to most of the friends, and always tried to start or keep up a conversation. Then we all went out to eat. I admit I was nervous the whole time, but no one noticed, and I think I did well.

*Side-note: The play we watched was Postmortem by Ken Ludwig. It was awesome. It was one big mystery and had me guessing for much of the time. If it ever plays in your local theater, check it out.

Decided to add “be more outgoing” to being confident. Main reason I want to become more confident is so I can stop being shy and start being more outgoing. Combining the two goals together seemed like a good idea.

I need to stop being afraid and start taking risks. I over think too much and now I feel like I missed out on a couple opportunities. I need to trust myself and stop second guessing. I need to focus on this. I need to accept the the only thing stopping me from achieving goals at the moment is myself.