Trying to work on this…

WHINE OR SHINE!!!!!

SHINE!!!! 4 years ago

Doing much better at this….

Went out yesterday and rode my horse by myself. Enjoyed it and he was happy to see me…. 4 years ago

tonight was so good for me. It touched base on something that has so much to do with my life and who I am. I couldn’t grasp just how much my past has to do with the present and my future. I was about ready to walk out(it was just so crowded, and HOT!!) when I saw the topic of the day and just had to stay. I think it will take some time before I actually overcome everything, but I am trying to take the steps to have a heathy relationship with myself. 4 years ago

Still going to my class, actually I met a really nice girl…Megan….we are going to try to get together this weekend. She is so sweet and I feel so bad for her, her bf picked up and left her to care for their 5mo old twins all by herself, she gets no help from him. DEADBEAT DAD!!!

On saturday I treated myself a little, got my nails done. It makes it difficult to do things, like zipping my pants and typing, etc….I was going to get my hair done but thinking I am going to wait for Tressa to do it.

Kinda just doing a little things here and there, things that I enjoy. Got my room decorated. Got some meds(hope they help!!!). A good friend of mine asked me to join her at an LDS substance abuse class on Tuesdays, next week I am going to check it out….if I can find a babysitter.

So Yah I am working on myself and being good to ME! 4 years ago

I am moving out this week. My mother is coming with a truck to help me get the last of my things tonight. The house is all his now, no family to come home to after work, all alone in his almost empty home.

I am handeling this a lot better than I expected. Yah I had a few bad moments here and there. I could be a complete wreck right now, so grateful that I am staying strong.

I realize that this is for the better, not what I want but I believe that when all is said and done I will be a better person because of the divorce. I could never change my life if I was still around the same people and their messed up lifestyle. I wondered how things got so bad and so difficult, when all I had to do was look at what I was doing and the people I was around.

I am young still, I dont want to live that way, I want this to be my only divorce. I cant imagine going through life and never finding a meaningful relationship, from one guy to the next. I believe in true love and it has to be out there somewhere. One day I will find a smarter, srtonger, taller!!, better looking man.

Right now it is about me, working on me, changing me, loving me, supporting me, taking care of me, finding what makes me happy….and the rest I am leaving in the hands of God. 4 years ago

1. Love yourself unconditionally without being self-righteous or arrogant.

2. Let go of blame if you have been hurt in the past; become empowered.

3. Tend to your physical health through exercise, decent nutrition, and rest.

4. Don’t abuse yourself with tobacco, coffee, drugs, alcohol, or other substances which could hurt yourself or others, or impair your judgment.

5. Replace negative thoughts and judgments with positive supportive ones.

6. Treat yourself (and others) with respect, kindness, and compassion.

7. Acknowledge that all human beings are fallible (that includes you), but capable of improvement and growth.

8. Challenge unhealthy perceptions of yourself, step out of your box and consider new ways of looking at yourself, others, and your relationships. 4 years ago

I am doing better, liking myself a little more.

I keep working on this. 4 years ago

I can’t keep on being mad at myself for the mistakes I have made. I am human just like anyone else and I need to forgive myself. How is it that I can forgive others, but I am not capable of forgiving myself?? This is just 1 thing that I need to learn to do in order to have a better relationship with myself. 4 years ago

Yesterday I had a dawning realization that being alone was much better than hanging out with people that I do not respect or care for. I am certainly not going to take crap from people I do not know or do not care to know and I do not have time in my life for people like that. Time to move on. 4 years ago

I really do…I love me. I am important to many people and there is 1 person out there(Emma) who loves me.

There are more that love me than just her, but she needs me. I wouldnt want her to ever “hate” herself the way that I did for so long.

I need to be understanding of the person that I am and stop putting myself down. Yes I have not always been the best person, but that doesnt mean that I cant like me. Life is a learning experience and Im now starting to learn. The only way to become a better person is to first accept yourself. I cant cange me if I dont care about me. I am now starting to care about me and my happiness. 4 years ago

I have been really in a stinkin thinkin mood lately. Wow is me…Maybe now I can move forward.

I feel better today…and I didn’t cry over the incident with Mike. He doesn’t deserve me. 5 years ago

Today….I have been trying on this but it seems today I might have blackslid into a pitty party for myself… 5 years ago

Well today I feel I have had a major breakthrough…. A WOW moment where I finally might get the whole meaning of things. I feel much better today…and feel I am on the road to healing and being a better person. 5 years ago

I am doing well with this today… 5 years ago

I am doing better today…feeling better about myself. WEnt to church on Sunday and an Al-Anon meeting last night…

Today I have plans to come home tan, exercise…. 5 years ago

We lose outselves when we have a mate. Are likes become different as well as our needs. I need to figure out what my wants are. I need to truly like myself and who I am. 5 years ago

so when i’m tired or hungry, i kinda shut down and am not as confident.

i don’t know how to prevent this. i guess just recognize that when im hungry/tired is not the best time to reflect. 5 years ago

So… I’ve heard if we something over and over, it gets ingrained into our subconscious. So i put up a few quotes, to keep me going when things get rough.

I have:
A return to Love by Mrs. Marianne Williamson
The Desiderate by Mr. Max Ehrmann
and
“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” – Mrs. Eleanor Roosevelt.

And I have noticed that I am more confident, slowly but surely! 5 years ago

i’m trying!! i realize that most of the time, i mentally beat myself up by comparing myself to other people, so then i feel unhappy and alone.

i’ve tried to substitute kind phrases, when i hear mean ones inside my head. 5 years ago

I didn’t do too badly either. I still don’t like chasing after the ball, so I get like 7 hits out of 10. Considering I haven’t played in…like 3 or 4 years, that is really good. I’ll be supposedly playing racquetball with Mary from work tomorrow…hopefully neither of us get violent or hurt.

Still walking as well when weather permits-or sometimes even when it looks like it won’t.

Found some old friends from my childhood and teen years on myspace.com. Hoping to rekindle some old friendships and that should help with some of my feeling down and alone. I’ve been on such a serious track with before of two jobs, all this free time can be a bit unnerving.

Anyone out there ever been hypnotized for weight loss? I’m considering it. Thinking about it anyhow. Probably that’s part of what’s contributing to my downness. Bah, like anything it’ll swing up again-thank goodness for Chalk art next weekend!! 6 years ago

I went walking again with the M from work, I’d taken the weekend off of walking. Big mistake. I didn’t realize how hard it’d be getting back into the power walking mode. She’d invited a friend of hers to come with us, they both took off at full tilt. I’d wrongly gotten the impression it wouldn’t be that fast as M had done something to her ankle. I kept up in the beginning and at the end, but otherwise I lagged far behind. I made 2 miles in under 40 minutes. Is that good?

I felt really pathetic lagging behind them, as they’re both much older than me, but they also have less weight to lose and on their frames. I envied them a bit for that. I decided to try running to catch up on the downside of the bridge. That’s where the good part came out of this. I didn’t die! I didn’t double over wheezing or have bad long breaths! I was quite excited as I ran about a third of the bridge down to catch them on their way back. I’m excited about that, as prior to this I was considering giving it up.

We’d gone at the end of last week to weigh ourselves to see if it was doing anything there. However, it wasn’t for either of us, but we do feel better.

I don’t know if I’ll try some lifestyle change as it appears my healthier eating habits aren’t working so well. I am trying to stick with it though. I figure I’ll try another week or so and maybe join something else.

I am making strides on the healthier issues with me, but exercise and walking are still really hard to do alone. I wish they weren’t like that for me.

I ran quite a ways without falling over, hurting myself or huge shortness of breath-so I feel really good about that out of all this stuff. 6 years ago

Eating healthy so far hasn’t been too hard. I’m finally eating enough fruits, next I’ll work on eating more veggies. I’m drinking water, but I may start taking one of the huge bottles to work that way I’m drinking more than enough. I’ll probably check out a scale soon and see if I’m losing there as I feel I’m losing inches elsewhere on my body…

I do take my weekends a little easier but I’m planning on Saturday morning to get up and walk it alone with my music. My treat for that is to go to the Farmer’s Market and get a ham & cheese croissant & maybe a scone with some fresh orange juice. I might sit and listen as I eat it, or go home and soak up the enjoyment of being free.

Feeling much better about being me and that is definitely a good thing! 6 years ago

I’ve been walking the bridge with another teacher from work, we’ve done once long, and twice short walks over the bridge and back. I can feel it in my legs, so it’s working. I’ve also been eating my fruit, and bought more. I now eat at least 3 pieces compared to my zero from before. Found some gorgeous strawberries that are sinfully sweet. Have only had icecream once with a small serving of apple crisp(homemade)! I’ve bought healthier foods, eating whole wheat bread with low fat/cal ham & mustard. Making salads for work and trying to drink lots of water.

I can look at all this, and feel very happy with myself. At the same time, I don’t feel like reaching for that pint or half gallon of icecream so that is definitely a good feeling! 6 years ago

conscience put at ease. As to other things in my life, I’m currently trying and I believe succeeding at getting a healthier lifestyle underway. When I do something off it, I don’t drop it all together but just get back on track.

I’ve done Pilates the past 2 days and feel like a fool trying. My body looks nothing like theirs on the tapes but I’m working up a sweat so I’m doing something right, right? I’ve been walking again with a different teacher at work, walking over the South Beach bridge and that is a good workout.

Next goal with this might be to exercise in the morning…but I’m not taking that goal on yet…I like my sleep! 6 years ago

I think I just definitely did that. I was surfing the net and found some of friends of someone I know and read some of comments. Some of those comments revealed something that haven’t been told to me or my family. Immediately I wondered if I should tell anyone. Should I confront the person? Just in case one was wondering, the person I’m thinking of confronting made the comments. I worry about some things maybe I shouldn’t. When I care and love someone, it’s hard to let go of old habits that might not be good.

Anyone have any ideas/comments/suggestions on this? Guess I’ll go ponder it some more… 6 years ago

I’ve noticed this comes out at school with my students sometimes. I’d really like to bury this bad behavior so that when I hear talk of unprofessional behavior, I don’t think it’s me. I wonder if it’s normal to feel worry whenever you hear about “rumors” and then I remember that I hate to worry or feel worried about it. Last year, I had a rumor come my way and especially am glad that it drifted off, now I have to see if these ones will drift or not. Thankfully, I recognized one of the rumors about another teacher, so I’m not alone this time. Perhaps that’s worse or better but I’ll try to update. Seems really good that I’m thinking of getting out of Florida now with all this stuff going on at school. Spoke with Dad about the person who is supposedly voicing these rumors to our team leader, and he says she’s a drama queen….just as long as nothing comes of it, I’ll be realllllllly happy.

I’ll be happy when I don’t think of the rumors anymore. It’ll take awhile though I guess.

Sidenote, haven’t even tried the Pilates thing yet…must try to soon! 6 years ago

I’d forgotten all about ordering it. I ended up getting a great deal, under $20 for the whole sha-bang. I’m going to start using it asap. I’ll post how that goes…hopefully this will be a great buy for me….

I splurged tonight and had Hurricanes for the first time in ages all alone. I didn’t enjoy it as much but the food was delicious. I did eat the salad first and then annihilated all the wings. I vegged out tonight so I treated it as a night off.

I recently began going with the math teacher, Mary to her pool to walk/workout in the pool. It really did tire me out. I hope when I move out I can find a place with a pool. I love the water… 6 years ago

and we did City Walk together and tried the Cheesecake Factory. I ate until I was full not stuffed. I am excited as this morning, I ordered Winsor Pilates. Here’s the website, if anyone is interested: www.winsorpilates.com

They did an infomercial on tv this morning for the whole system thing, for under $20 so I thought, I think I can do that and for that price, I think it’s a steal. Has anyone out there used them? Let me know…I’m hoping they’ll help me out with working out more, as the rain seems to be zapping my chances to walk with Slim. 6 years ago

but one good thing is I’m not reaching for food and I’m not dying for anything bad. I just wish I could be held and just cry for a bit without feeling weird or sad anymore about us.

I hope I’m ok by tmoorrow, I have a early out day with kids and don’t want any questions about red eyes…if anything is worse then crying it’s being asked over and over all day long about it.

Bloody frickin tears. 6 years ago

I have been able to keep things in order so my clothes are in good shape, so when I wear them they’re not a crinkly mass of ..well wrinkles. Anyhow, at school today as I was booking out of there, another teacher complimented me saying it looked like I was losing… It’s so nice when someone else notices. I was noticing it this week and before which kept me really going. I signed up for 4 visits to the spa, and got a guest card for it. I think I can work it so I take my niece to two of them and then take my mom to two of them. I’m hoping it will really be a nice thing. There are so many times my rewards relate back to food and I’m working on breaking that habit. Last week was a giant movie rental which I’m watching the last of and this week, I guess I decided on spa. The reward I don’t have to pay for is I’m feeling better, more energetic, less stressed and just…(as Billy Crystal would say) Mahvelous Dahlings! 6 years ago