Establish a healthier relationship with myself.

Trying to work on this…

WHINE OR SHINE!!!!!

SHINE!!!!

Doing much better at this….

Went out yesterday and rode my horse by myself. Enjoyed it and he was happy to see me….

tonight was so good for me. It touched base on something that has so much to do with my life and who I am. I couldn’t grasp just how much my past has to do with the present and my future. I was about ready to walk out(it was just so crowded, and HOT!!) when I saw the topic of the day and just had to stay. I think it will take some time before I actually overcome everything, but I am trying to take the steps to have a heathy relationship with myself.

Still going to my class, actually I met a really nice girl…Megan….we are going to try to get together this weekend. She is so sweet and I feel so bad for her, her bf picked up and left her to care for their 5mo old twins all by herself, she gets no help from him. DEADBEAT DAD!!!

On saturday I treated myself a little, got my nails done. It makes it difficult to do things, like zipping my pants and typing, etc….I was going to get my hair done but thinking I am going to wait for Tressa to do it.

Kinda just doing a little things here and there, things that I enjoy. Got my room decorated. Got some meds(hope they help!!!). A good friend of mine asked me to join her at an LDS substance abuse class on Tuesdays, next week I am going to check it out….if I can find a babysitter.

So Yah I am working on myself and being good to ME!

I am moving out this week. My mother is coming with a truck to help me get the last of my things tonight. The house is all his now, no family to come home to after work, all alone in his almost empty home.

I am handeling this a lot better than I expected. Yah I had a few bad moments here and there. I could be a complete wreck right now, so grateful that I am staying strong.

I realize that this is for the better, not what I want but I believe that when all is said and done I will be a better person because of the divorce. I could never change my life if I was still around the same people and their messed up lifestyle. I wondered how things got so bad and so difficult, when all I had to do was look at what I was doing and the people I was around.

I am young still, I dont want to live that way, I want this to be my only divorce. I cant imagine going through life and never finding a meaningful relationship, from one guy to the next. I believe in true love and it has to be out there somewhere. One day I will find a smarter, srtonger, taller!!, better looking man.

Right now it is about me, working on me, changing me, loving me, supporting me, taking care of me, finding what makes me happy….and the rest I am leaving in the hands of God.

1. Love yourself unconditionally without being self-righteous or arrogant.

2. Let go of blame if you have been hurt in the past; become empowered.

3. Tend to your physical health through exercise, decent nutrition, and rest.

4. Don’t abuse yourself with tobacco, coffee, drugs, alcohol, or other substances which could hurt yourself or others, or impair your judgment.

5. Replace negative thoughts and judgments with positive supportive ones.

6. Treat yourself (and others) with respect, kindness, and compassion.

7. Acknowledge that all human beings are fallible (that includes you), but capable of improvement and growth.

8. Challenge unhealthy perceptions of yourself, step out of your box and consider new ways of looking at yourself, others, and your relationships.

I am doing better, liking myself a little more.

I keep working on this.

I can’t keep on being mad at myself for the mistakes I have made. I am human just like anyone else and I need to forgive myself. How is it that I can forgive others, but I am not capable of forgiving myself?? This is just 1 thing that I need to learn to do in order to have a better relationship with myself.

Yesterday I had a dawning realization that being alone was much better than hanging out with people that I do not respect or care for. I am certainly not going to take crap from people I do not know or do not care to know and I do not have time in my life for people like that. Time to move on.

I really do…I love me. I am important to many people and there is 1 person out there(Emma) who loves me.

There are more that love me than just her, but she needs me. I wouldnt want her to ever “hate” herself the way that I did for so long.

I need to be understanding of the person that I am and stop putting myself down. Yes I have not always been the best person, but that doesnt mean that I cant like me. Life is a learning experience and Im now starting to learn. The only way to become a better person is to first accept yourself. I cant cange me if I dont care about me. I am now starting to care about me and my happiness.