complete gender transition

I want to transition completely to female and live my life as a woman.

I had an appointment with my endocrinologist on Friday that went pretty well. After talking with my psychiatrist, they’ve decided that hormones probably haven’t had anything to do with my hospitalizations. Interesting…since I’ve told them that a million times. Grr. He’s finally going to just prescribe the hormones with no more hassle, and I don’t have to go back for six months. I’m a happy camper. =)

I’ve been full time since 10/9/2007. It’s been a hard journey, and there is still a long way to go. When do you know you are done with transition?

-ell

HI my fem name is sarah and one day i would like to transition.

As a result of my recent hospitalization, the University of Minnesota’s Program in Human Sexuality discharged me from the program. They kicked me out b/c they said I was too unstable, and told me I would have to complete a DBT program b/f I can return. The biggest gender clinic in the upper midwest doesn’t even get it. I’m unstable b/c of severe GID. Grrr.

Well I have no plans of ever returning to that program. I’ve started seeing Diane Stellrecht again, who I’ve seen b/f. I saw her today for the first time in 10 months, and she wants me to start seeing her twice a week. She’s indicated that she’s not a fan of the program at the U, and I think she wants to one-up them where they failed. Works for me, but I’m going to have no social life when I get started in DBT too.

Not sure how that is going to work, but I guess I’ll have to make it work.

I just realized that I’ve been living as myself for over a year now. If I had the money and the therapist recommendations I could go have surgery. Being a poor college student sucks. Seems to get in the way more and more. I’m living in the women’s side of my dorm at school and I’m constantly afraid someone will accidentally open the shower curtains when I’m taking a shower. Gets in the way of dating too, why would a lesbian want a girl that doesn’t have a vagina? (though if I’m honest with myself its more because I’m insecure, unsure of myself, and too quiet)

I got to keep my job! =)

I started again a couple weeks ago (6/11) half-time. I can’t wait until I can go back to full-time (~7/18). It took the last two weeks for me to get access to all my systems, since if you don’t login for 90 days you basically don’t exist in the system, or your passwords expire. They had to reset everything up. I had a pile of passwords for the different systems when they got everything up. I was so afraid of how many emails I would have in my inbox. When I finally got to check my email on Friday I had 1570 emails. I got it knocked down to under 600 now though. I still have a ton of catchup to do.

I’m so glad I’m a tax payer again, and get going on funding for transitioning.

Today I found out I might have lost my job from being away from work so long due to being in the hospital, and being in court with the civil commitment process (even thought it was stayed). I have a conference call on Tuesday with my boss and employee relations to find out. My world has already been turned upside down so much, but if that happens it will wreak havoc with my professional career and all hopes of income for transitioning.

I haven’t freaked out too much…yet. If that happens though I think I’m going to totally give up. I thought about suicide, but everyone is so determined to make me live no matter how shitty things are for me. If they want me to live so bad and not help with transitioning, so be it. I’m going to be as big of burden on the system as I can. I’m going to make it my personal mission. I’ll be an advocate for the community one way or the other. They’ve spent so much on me already, but by the time I’m done they are going to have spent so much money on me that I could have transitioned many many times over. Fuck ‘em.

I accepted I was trans over two years ago and have been on hormones for almost 16 months now and have been living fulltime for 8 months. Once I graduate college I can start saving up for surgery.

I’m now living as a girl, full time. one of the larger hurdles out of the way i guess. :)