Be independently happy

sorry for not posting/not logging in/not sending cheers but i kind of forgot of 43. well, getting back at it:
1. I am an atheist. hope that clears stuff out.
2. I got out of the relationship very hard, it was very bad and ugly, he came to the point of threatening me with stuff. but i’m used to it now, i got over it and he’s just being a bitch.
3. i don’t care for those who don’t care about me anymore.
4. i started being more self-centered and it pays off. not by being bad to others, but being better to myself.
5. i am more peaceful, less stupid and more powerful now.
6. i’m not happy yet. but i’m independent. and this pays off a lot.

it’s crap. i’ve got this silly relationship with this guy, i’m madly in love with him although he really doesn’t deserve it, and we’ve just turned 5 months. it’s kinda crap and i feel like my whole person depends on him, and i hate it. i’ve changed so much because of him (he has too) and i just wanna be myself again. i’m turning into someone i don’t even know. and i can’t let him go. i’ve tried, and when i say i wanna break up, i start crying and he starts being all nice and stuff. and we’re getting bored of one another. i can see it in his eyes, that it’s not me who he wants. he wants me more beautiful, although everybody asks me why i’m hanging with such an ugly guy, and he’s really not perfect. i like him as he is, but still i gotta say i look better than him. and he has these weird looks when he sees something ugly at me. in the beginning of our relationship, he stepped over any of my flaws, not even noticing. he just loved me and now he doesn’t. i don’t get it why he still says he wants to be with me.

Split With the Boyfriend of 10 months.that sucked he has a new gf within three weeks.that was nice to find out.I relised though that this is in the long run,although it seems to be crap right now is so right for me, ive been in relationships since i was 13 years old my longest break being 6 months.Had a year and half relationship then couple of months later went into the 10 month one.i think i just love to be in love i fall in love really easily and i wanna learn how to be happy by myself with no bf around i become to dependant on them for my happiness so imgonna do this im just gonna start doing what i love to do by myself

I find myself lonely and all I want to do is to be happy on my own, without needing or depending on anyone else for my happiness. I wish I had a fairy godmother…

will be more difficult than expected.

One of the things I need to do which I’ve never mentioned is move everything out of my old apartment and find a new apartment.

Whatever I don’t move out of my apartment tonight I will lose.

I want my family photos, my art, my work, my music and my books. I could care less about the other things.

I Hope I can get them. One good friend said they would help me pack. I’m trying to get in touch with another who has a car.

I need to close this chapter. I haven’t set foot in that apartment in weeks.

I hope I can find a new apartment soon.

Right now I am very far from my job and friends and the gym and all of the things I like doing.

That is contributing to me not being as happy as I could be.

Hope, hope.

it’s maybe too early but i think i’m moving on from the gloomy period that started in september i think. i feel more comfortable about myself and i can easier think about things without overreacting. or maybe i’m just having a good day.

Everyone says they want happiness. Often we hear “All I want is to be happy”.

Wikipedia has got a very interesting and helpful entry for Happiness: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Happiness

I found that compelling for so many different reasons.

yes, yes, this is a blue october song title but it’s also my goal.

All i really want at this point in my life is to be happy, im in a weird relationship with someone who i love, but is a mess in his own way.. my friends are all over the place, trying to make themselves happy and we’re all just losing touch with what really makes us happy – eachother. not guys! hopefully this summer we will be able to reconnect and have a really good time, but sometimes i feel like time is running out to be happy.. life is short so hopefully soon enough the weather will make my mood go away =)