respect my body

i have a tendancy to sleep.. a lot.. and then read books and curl up in bed and do more sleeping..

so i am looking forward to stopping this habit and instead getting up and out. it’s a lot harder to actually do this as it sounds, depression is a tricky old bugger. so today i’m going to come up with a list of things to do when i’m in that mood – and just do them.

fingers crossed.

I hate my body. I have a hard time believing that anybody could even like it… And I abuse my body. I don’t eat for days and I treat it like it’s nothing eventhough it’s everything I’ve got. I need to learn to respect my body. I need to get some self esteem while I”m at it…

Lately I’ve learned that when I procrastinate I disrespect my body. I’m not talking about procrastinating specifically on health-related issues, like putting off exercising or going to see the doctor, but about other things too. For example, procrastinating on my uni work. I then get very stressed out in trying to meet the looming deadline, leading to upset stomachs, sore throats and a generally depressed immune system. When I get this stressed I can feel it poisoning my body.

I owe it to myself to be more proactive.

I haven’t been doing too badly with the exercise lately. I’ve walked more than 30km since starting the Walk to Rivendell goal and have been managing to walk at least three times a week. I’m easing back into Tai Chi this week as well.

In some senses it’s not enough, though. Uni means lots of time in front of a computer or at a desk and lots of stress. My shoulders and neck feel like they’re made out of a single lumb of concrete and are so tense I’m suffering from a rather nasty headache this evening.

Time to run a nice hot bath. I’m considering treating myself to a massage once the semester concludes in about three weeks.

Class went for far too long today. I could feel my blood-sugar levels plummeting. There was another talk on after lunch break but it was optional and I had a really strong urge just to go home and get some work done. I managed a couple of bites of my Vegemite sandwich before the bus arrived. I felt horrible and I was craving sugar terribly! I had to stop at the shopping centre to run an errand and I kept thinking about buying an icecream or some chocolate.

I stayed on top of it though, ran my errand and finished my sandwich before catching the bus home. Once home, I treated myself to a soy milkshake (no icecream) and had a second sandwich (one with actual fresh vegetable matter this time). I felt much better afterwards.

Somewhere along the way I realised that the way I react to these sorts of situations demonstrates whether I really respect my body or not. I think I did pretty well this time around. No huge sugar binges.

There are definite problems here. Last week I suffered from quite a bit of back pain. It was a clear sign to me that I haven’t been exercising enough. So I’ve gotten my butt back into gear and made sure I’ve taken myself off to Tai Chi and am walking almost every day. My walk to Rivendell goal has been a great motivator.

Another problem has also been revealed to me by my inability to give blood this year. I am not permitted to give blood if I am suffering from a sore throat and every morning I wake with one. Not the “I’ve been breathing with my mouth open and everything is dried out” kind of sore, but an aching “I’ve got a cold” kind of sore. It tends to fade as the day goes on, but it’s still there. I also feel like a have a constant, though slight, congestion in my sinuses. It’s way past time I went and saw someone about this.

I’ve also decided to collapse my goals on improving my diet and fitness back into this goal for the time being.

my therapist recommended I read some books by alice miller a while ago, and in particular, The Body Never Lies.

This was a while back and I got the book, dived into it and stopped quite quickly because it hit close to the bone. very close. (too close?)

anyway, I have been packing day and night for the last couple of days, so it seems ;), and going through my bookshelf I picked up this book again. And balled my eyes out and highlighted parts and dog-eared pages and am thinking thinking thinking… so much to think about.

it talks a fair bit about not treating yr body well – through abusing alcohol/drugs/food, or even further (self harming, smoking, abuse etc) and it’s really made me examine some parts of my life, and the reasons I do things – in fact, the reason why I actually have to have a goal called “respect my body”.

I look forward to sharing my findings here.. soon.. x

biked to work every single day this week. the weather and my schedule came together perfectly. also got in two lifting sessions at the gym. I decided against a long ride this morning as my hamstring is feeling a little strained and I’ve done a lot of commuting mileage (compared to what I had been doing) these past two weeks. my goal is to give my knee and legs adequate rest so that I can continue commuting and then ease into long rides on the weekends.

I biked to work a whopping 4 times this week! and this morning, I did my first “long” ride of the season, ~15 miles on MLK.

biked into work today…and then to yoga and home. l-o-v-e, love it!