get some grief counseling

I went to a few individual counseling sessions. The people didn’t specialize in grief counseling, but that’s what I needed help with and to a certain extent I guess it helped. I feel like I don’t really need it anymore. It’s been almost 3 years. It still hurts a lot but I’m not sure that ever goes away.

It rained hard all day long, and by the time Markus came home from work he was drenched. Unfortunately we had to leave right away to get to our appointment on time.

We had a good session. Markus came in for the second half, and the conversation shifted to other things, which was fine. There’s been enough talk about death for a while. If I feel a need to go back later I will.

It gets dark outside so early now. When we passed the carnival rides on the way home, the lights looked so bright.

Two weeks from today. (déjà vu?)

I phoned
I left a message.
I’ll make an appointment when she calls back.

Well, my first appointment in several years is over. This counselor is very good. My extended family (myself included) have all seen her at one point or another. This is a good thing, since I very much like her & she knows all of us and we don’t need to waste sessions with introductions feeling each other out. She’s good.

Today Markus & Isak (and my mom) came along. I introduced her to the new members of my family and then everyone else went off for a walk while she & I talked.

It was quite all over the map – a lot has changed in the last 3 or so years, mostly for the better, but that wasn’t why I made the appointment.

Yes – it was good, but not enough I think (her too). There’s too much going on in my noggin to be ironed out in a mere 60 some minutes. She’s suggested some things to work on, wrote down a few things to read if I’m keen, and I’m going to make another appointment for sometime next month. Perhaps I should leave this on my list until then.

She’s assured me that I’m dealing well (under the circumstances), and that I’m doing the right things, that I’m… reacting normally. Whatever that means.

Afterwards we (the family, not the counselor :) ) went out to a fantastic jazzy burger & bbq joint for a yummy dinner and a pineapple malibu for me. On the way home there was a mind blowing sunset. I couldn’t catch it very well, but that’s fine – it’s inside my mind like neon.

It’s not always a day away.
It’s today.

Two weeks from today.

I phoned
I left a message.
I’ll make an appointment when she calls back.

It doesn’t take away the grief.

It does, in some intangible way, help.