start to flirt with guys I am actually interested in

let’s just say that I am doing pretty well. In the last couple of weeks I have felt confident and just relaxed when I went out. I can’t really explain myself why but I really enjoyed flirting!
It’s hard to explain, but I think it can be compared to this situation when people stop thinking about how they dance and just let go! So, suddenly they let go of their safe, uncomfortable looking two-step move and just “shake what their momma gave them” :) from that moment on it doesn’t matter if they look funny or not…it’s just fun!well, for me it feels like that :)

please, don’t misunderstand me. I haven’t become all sluddy. I am still talking about flirting here!
I guess, maybe that’s the point. When I was younger I thought I had to be a little wild to flirt. I kind of thought of it as naughty.strang, isn’t it?

Anyway…although I think I have met my goal, I will leave this on the list a little longer. just in case this is just a phase…but I think something in my head clicked!

Well, in the last two weeks I suddenly have become a real maneater. I won’t go into details here,but it’s more than weird. I am having a dating/affair thing with this guy now and I really can’t explain how it all came to happen that way.I already know that this won’t go too far but I can’t bring myself to end it just now.

Things have become more complicated last night when I met a guy on whom I had a crush on for years. Amazingly , I managed to actually flirt with him and get his number (yeah!)(normally I wouldn’t do that, but the other guy just writes me whenever he wants, so I guess that that isn’t too nice either), but what now? I really want to get to know this guy but before that I have to break of the other thing…I really don’t know how this happened?...

I actually dated a cute guy last night and it went pretty well. There were two things that really made me very nervous before.
Number one: he is a pretty nice, normal kind of guy. This makes me nervous because I kind of think that I get along with crazier people and the “normal people” and I don’t have anything to talk about. ..stupid, I know, but I am being honest here.
The second reason is that he isn’t a tall/big guy. He is muscular and a little taller than me when I am in heals but I am a curvy girl and I always want to be with a bigger guy. Why? because that makes me appear smaller/girlier…even more stupid I know…

Here is the reason why this time I ignored these “oh-so-clever” thoughts: I owe it to women and womanhood in general! this stupid weight thing and all the other doubts and fears are stupid!!! I mean, shouldn’t we (he and I) decide if like each other and think the other one is sexy??? who I am to make these stupid decisions?!
I have been playing my own “magazine-editor” for quite some time now and it sucks! If I were a magazine up to this point I was a snobby art-magazine that didn’t give anybody a chance.
But life doesn’t work like that. From now on I chose to be a nice little alternative magazine that is more open, liberal but still very classy ;)

well, again things didn’t work out like I had expected them :(...the guy and I didn’t meet up, because of very different party plans. To be honest, I am very disappointed. it’s nobodys fault but sometimes I think that my karma must be aweful. I mean, come on, I really am doing the best I can being “cool” about it and trying to be less shy and I think I am doing a pretty good job, so why can’t I have a little luck?!
I appologize to everyone who is reading this because I am really childish right now. I just want to complain a little and then I leave the “drama-queen-act” alone… I promise…

I am amazed how this goal motivates me to actually “go for it”!!!
In the last couple of months I have become much more at ease when I go out and I actually do flirt! This has nothing to do with me “changing my ways”. I guess that some people must think that of me, but it is just not true.
I know, I don’t have to defend myself, but I want to now.
I have another goal that says that I want to “respect how I handling my love-life…” and this is still true. But, I always took things way too seriously and I was a little up-tight about everyhing and boys in gernal. This is something I never wanted to be and I don’T see my “true-self” like that. My problems, I think have something to do with my parents etc… So, I don’t think I am doing anything wrong. I am just changing something that I don’t like about myself. I haven’t had any one-night-stands just because I want to prove myself and I still wouldn’t do that. I just have become a little more open and I am sure glad about it! It just feels right! :)
...with all that being said, I want to write down “another little success” :)
last weekend I went clubbing with a friend and this guy, whom I only met while passing through, asked me for my phone number. I have never given anyone my phone-number…yes, I am that shy…and some weeks ago I promised myself that I would give my number to the next decent guy that asks me politely. so, that’s what I did. and…today he wrote me! :) since we both don’t know each other we agreed to maybe get together Friday night when we are both out with friends. so, no pressure…well, we see. but for me this another step in the right direction :)

For anyone who has been following me, here is the update: Unfortunately, it is not a happy one. The guy actually did write me back and his answer was very nice and positive. He said that he had thought that I wasn’t interested in getting to know him better and that he thought that before, I just wrote him to be polite. He also invited me to be his friend on this internet platform (...it’s like facebook).
I was so happy and I answered him again that night. Since I had to get up really early the next morning, my message was short but very nice. I wrote him that I was relieved and that it was partly my fault that he had misunderstood me before because my communication is not always very direct. I didn’t write him any special questions or something like that but I expected him to continue the conversation further…. but he didn’t :(.
That was a week ago. I don’t get it. His message sounded so like “let’s do it, let’s get to know each other”. Who would first write like that and then act like this???
...oh well, at least I tried…

I met a nice guy at a party:). I managed to flirt with him and the night ended with me lying around with him on a bed (people around,it was a private party…) and talking. nice :)
However, since I really liked him and I didn’t want all the people around who had an eye on us to witness too much (deep inside I am a nice classy girl), we didn’t kiss or anything….and we didn’t exchange numbers or anything…
so, then two days after the party, he sent me a perfect massege over the internet. no pressure and still very casual but very nice. I answered very casual and thought this would lead to some form of better contact. but no, he didn’t write back :(...then I was confused, but yesterday I decided to write him again, because at the party I had the feeling that he did find me more interesting than a “usual party flirt”. so, I give him the benefit of the doubt, maybe he thinks I wasn’t serious at all, which is very likely because I can play that part very well ( I am very shy, but I act like I am arrogant, a stupid defence mechanism, but my friends tell me people buy it)
I wrote him that “just for the record: I really like to see you again”....this way I have at least tried it and I can’t tell myself that I was a coward. This is a lot for me!
Wish me luck!

I did not stay true this goal last night…I flirted with two guys I am definitly not interested in. Well, with one I flirted and with the other one I just talked, but I knew that he thought we were flirting. I think that that is mean and stupid of me. I know, I would really like to be liked by someone who I am actually interested in and since that is not happening right now and I am a little depressed about it. However,that does not give me the right to fool some other poor guys because my precious little self-esteem needs the attention.
I wouldn’t like to be treated like that…
And the worst thing is, I didn’t really have the courage to tell one of the guys a clear no-it-will-never-happen when he asked me about it. because I am that uptight….

Finally! Yesterday I managed to flirt with a guy I actually felt attracted to from the moment I saw him first. This is not such a big deal for many people but for me it is, because for one part it has to do with me being shy, but it also has to do with the fact that most times I just don’t feel attracted to many guys.
Well, how did the evening end? I didn’t give away my telephone number or get his, but I managed to get a free bear ;)....I think that that was totally ok, because I simply try to accept the fact that I am still a shy person and I am just not somebody who likes to rush into things. I tend to distrust people and, for now, I just try to learn to feel comfortable while flirting!!!

not there yet, but last night I actually practiced flirting with “ok guys”. I haven’t done that a lot and usually I am way to picky, so I think that is progress!