get over the fact I can't have kids

The reason I haven’t posted anything lately is that I really haven’t had much to say. What else can I say?? It won’t happen. I also found out that a single man cannot adopt in the US. Single women, yes. I don’t know if I should just not dwell on it and get on with other things.

What gets me is how parents sometimes carry on on how much of a burden it is to have a kid. How much it costs, they can’t do what they want, etc.
My sister is like that. She carries on about what a burden my 10 year old nephew is everyday. He’s up at six, on the bus at seven to a pre school program. After school programs keep him busy until sometimes 6 at night. She barely sees him!
Fine. I’ll take him. At least I’ll appreciate having him.

I think a lot of the same things. I think my reason for wanting kids is to somehow make a kid have the happy childhood that I didn’t.

I’ve been looking lately at sites where people claim to be asexual. They have no sexual feelings and no desire for sex at all. The reasons why these feelings exist apparently doesn’t matter to them.
I don’t know if I want to have such a label, considering what happened. They seem comfortable with whom they are, and that’s fine for them. I mean, I can look at a woman and appreciate her beauty, and all of that, but there is simply no arousal.

The fact that I can’t have kids never really bothered me when I was in my 20’s. I guess alot of what had happened really hadn’t sunk in yet, and I was trying to get my head on straight.
Now, here I am, 43,and sometimes even looking at an ad with a father and son together ( yes, I admit, I wanted a son, although a daughter would be perfectly welcome too) makes me feel bad. I know that they are actors and it’s staged, but the emotion is there.
Also, sometimes I feel like I should just get on with it, move on. What’s done is done, right? Get over it. These are things you hear from people sometimes. Of course,they didn’t go through it.
All in all, it will be lonely, but I’m used to that.

I wonder if people are right about me. That even if I could have kids, I shouldn’t. I just came off a solid week of depression that just flattened me. Going from bed to the couch was like climbing a mountain.
No appetite, irratibility, crying. Add the needs of a kid into this and things may not turn out too well.
I know some would say that having someone depend on you and love you would help you. It would give you a purpose, and need.That is probably true in a perfect world, but this is reality. Depression doesn’t care about that.
No one expects you to be perfect when your’e a parent, but you should be able to take care of your child. That’s hard when sometimes you can’t even take care of yourself.

I remember a few times growing up. i was the only boy my parents had, and my dad had made it clear that i “had to continue the family name.” my sisters all have kids, but it the husbands names they carry.
i know he really relied on me to continue his name. he died not having it happen. no one in the family knows about what happened, and just assume it’s the depression that makes me not have kids.(well, partially true i guess)
i guess the point is that sometimes i feel like i failed. i know what happened wasn’t my fault, but it still makes me feel guilty in a way.
i do have a cousin with the same last name. he is young and virile, and the last male of my family to bear the name. he can continue it. i for one, will not be telling him he has to do this. i don’t want him to feel pressured into doing something that may not be right, just to satisfy an obligation. it has to be his choice.

maybe i should shut this thread down. no one responds, so i assume no one reads it. what’s the point? i’ll never have kids and that’s all there is to it. try to move on with things.

Halloween is kind of a rough time. I see kids and parents running around having fun together. My solution is to turn off the lights and don’t have trick or treaters.
Does anyone have, or does anyone know anyone someone with a condition like mine? Not someone who voluntarily doesn’t have kids. That’s a choice and I respect it. I would like to talk to others.

I see the neighbor kids out again. They are all out playing, and generally being kids. I don’t think anyone can understand how hurtful this can be when you can’t have your own.
I did consider adopting. I got in contact with several agencies to talk it over. I was honest with them about everything. I got the same response as I did before. My mental health condition bars me from adopting. Many of the kids come from situations where there were mental health problems, and they have to be careful about putting them back into that situation. At least that’s the story.
While I see their point, it is just that they don’t even know me and there is already a judgement against me. WHY.
I didn’t ask for this to happen. I do what I can to get through things. I’m sure there are people out there that are worse parents than I could be. I’ve encountered them. I”ve seen parents who don’t care about their kids, or put them in danger because they aren’t thinking right.
It would be rough, I’m sure. One of the things a person needs though is a reason to live. To get up in the morning, despite all that seeks to drag them down. The smile on a face of a child can do that.