stop being so cynical

i have a hardtime trusting people and usually feel they dont trust me or like me either. so it’s become a lonely island.
like today my friend told me he was going to model a human in 3d. i ask it’s going to be a female (since i know he likes to draw females). then he tells me yes and if i paid attention to him i’d know. i was blown off by that comment coz i dont remember him telling me and i hate it that he made it sound like im the idiot. the more i thought about it the more stupid i felt since i got mad at something completely retarded.
maybe i should have just apologized for not remembering. i was watching also watching kitchen nightmares episodes today and realized how calm chef Ramsey. he really tells it what it is and doesnt hold back but at the same time he lets bygones be bygones and never holds a grudge. i couldnt tell someone how bad they are when they are doing poorly and not worry that they would hate me afterward. i dont like feeling disliked. however im already in the position where nobody cares about me.
i pity myself which makes me pathetic. i want to be loved but i no one wants me. i need to conquer something to make me a better person.

this year, i have two teachers who are, like, kings of cynism ; they make me laugh so bad, that doesn’t help me with my goal :D

Working at my old Christian summer camp for three weeks is really what prompted this. It’s a place where people genuinely care about each other, and that’s hard to find in today’s world, especially with all the “hypocrisy-of-the-church” stuff. Being there taught me to start really loving people myself. I’m inspired to look for the good instead of the bad, to be different and change things instead of complaining about them.

I’m not sure how long it will, but I want it to last.

i mean, being cynical is what makes life bearable, is what makes me go through bad times… But should try to think more positive all the same…

I have GOT to STOP being so bitter and angry. It isnt just cynacism, its anger for life dealing so many hardships at once. How can I find peace???

Yeah.. It’s probably something I should do. But I doubt I could do it.

These two goals—-they go hand in hand.

See? Already I am working on that motivation thing.

stop seeing the glass as always being half empty and start seeing it as half FULL

My boyfriend was the one who most encouraged me and helped me with this, and tried to make me see the good in things, but then he dumped me for another girl. Ironic?

Not worth it. No matter how little you expect of some people they always manage to disappoint.

Although I was not in on the plot to kill Caesar, I am just as bad-I think. If ANYTHING happens I immediately see the negative in it, and point it out. If I meet someone, I generally point out character flaws as opposed to saying “they were nice,” or anything of a positive nature. I want the ability to see the world for what it is, realistically-not negatively. Yes, the world sucks sometimes, but not always. Any advice is welcomed.