do what it takes to keep myself centred mentally, spiritually and emotionally

I keep coming back to these two things: exercise and journaling. In the past week I’ve gone without both of these (one at a time) for a couple of days in a row, and ended up flipping out both times; I think it’s safe to say that if I do both of these every day, on an ongoing basis, I have a much higher chance of being happy and stable most days.

4.40 and caught an early train, going home for a couple of hours of golden me-time before heading over to the place where the love is – this all feels very right.

I simply cannot work out what’s making these moods go round. Had another pretty hellish workday yesterday, appear to be on a 6-hour sleep cycle again (waking before the alarm) and missed the train in spite of getting up on time and walking to the station – all things I would normally avoid because they make me stressed and grumpy, and yet I feel chirpy as anything this morning! Wondew what it can be? Oh well. Hoorah for moodswings (on this occasion anyway!)

There is so much I want to change, and yet I feel myself resisting it at every step. Wouldn’t it just be easier to stay as I am and make do, paper over the cracks of dissatisfaction with some not-too-destructive-but-ultimately-pleasurable habits, balancing off the good against the bad?

But I feel most alive when I am changing, and I need to have something to strive for. It’s just part of my nature. So I think I need to be clear, both about what I am grateful for now, and what I’m trying to change, and in what order.

singing is a MAJOR factor to my wellbeing, I feel so much better after last night’s rehearsal it’s barely possible to make a comparison with how I felt yesterday lunchtime.

The other thing is being really tired. There’s a combination of being tired and still expending energy (as opposed to being tired and crashing out completely) that engenders a mild hysteria, and since last night everything has just been hilarious. Which is good, because I haven’t stopped laughing all morning. So I dunno, maybe less sleep is better?

In a fit of not wanting to do nothing but not quite having the energy to do anything in particular, I broke out my massive sketchbook and doodled while watching a DVD. I let my mind wander and noted down anything that came into it – more questions than answers – but it was a good outlet.

I am growing at the moment and somedays I struggle with it. But as long as I keep struggling, at least, I’m sure I’ll see progress.

the niggles, the doubts, basically everything negative that whirls around in my mind – because they move on quickly enough and there is always something positive to come afterwards.

• giving myself a pat on the back from time to time, taking a step back to see the progress I’m making
• making sure I have enough time on my own and not committing to more social stuff if I am only going to be moody about it
• thinking deliberately positive thoughts when my negatives are starting to sound like a stuck record

was caffeine… all it took was a venti caramel macchiato and I’m back on top of the world again!

rejection thing
and what I need are mantras