learn how to make decisions

I think one big thing I’ve done wrong about decisions in my life is to rush them. I have failed to realize that it’s ok not to make a decision on something. Instead of saying (to myself or others), “I have decided not to do such and such,” I can say, “I’m putting that on hold for now; this isn’t the right time.” That way there is not so much pressure. Everything isn’t set in stone, and I haven’t seen that before. Also, I don’t need to decide I’m going to do something in particular. I can “explore” it or learn about it. That has been a big problem for me. I feel like I always need to know what I’m going to do so I try to make firm decisions as soon as possible. Like, for example, thinking of what direction to take my law practice – I have felt like I needed to decide which direction to go so that I could put all the time into it. Instead, I should think of the area that interests me the most and has potential to make my practice grow, and just decide to learn more about it and explore it and take a few clients in it and see how I like it. How can I say (as I’ve tried to do) “this is the field I want to practice in for the rest of my life,” without actually trying it and seeing how I like it and how it works with my business? That’s what I need to do. Just say, “I am going to learn about this field” instead of “I’m going to become an expert in this field and devot my practice to it for the rest of my life.” That is a bad way to make decisions.

I feel different and want different things every day, so I can’t rely on my feelings or what I want when making decisions. I have to think of what the “best” or “right” thing to do is. What is that? How does a person know? I guess the first thing to do is define what does “the best thing” or “the right thing” mean?

Well, the best thing is the thing that will make me and my family happy. Ok, what is “happy”?

When it comes to work, I think happiness is doing something you care about or love. With my current job, I can MAKE myself care and enjoy it and see the nobility in it, but unless I am doing that “MAKE myself care” thing, I don’t really care about it or enjoy it except for those blessed momentary times when I have a particularly good day.

So, does that mean I should apply for the DA job? That would mean…

1 – regular hours (good for sanity and finances, bad for family. well is it really “bad” for family? most people work regular hours, and if I don’t do that in my current job anyway, things go downhill fast, so it’s better to have regular hours than not)

2 – stable pay, but a cut in pay (I think the pay cut is less than I make it out to be – after my expenses and taxes, and the fact that I never work my full hours anyway, the difference is a lot less than I think, and is made up for by the stability factor

3 – more work and more stress, less control

4 – more prestige

5 – less opportunity to make a lot of money (I really don’t care about that. The stress of running my own business is not worth the money I would make)

6 – having a secretary

7 – having to go to court and argue and litigate

8 – having to learn new things and from a whole new perspective

9 – having to dress up every day (well, that is what grown ups do; deal with it!—If you want to work in your grubbies, sell your book!)

10 – still having to pay for the services and fees of my business until the contracts run out

11 – a stable job is better for getting credit and apartment leases, etc., than having my business

12 – Getting to be a lawyer and not having to worry about the business end or the secretarial end or the financial end.

Ok, so this list is great, but what happens when I look at each of these things from the opposite angle? That is my problem. What would I tell a friend or a stranger? Apply for the DA job and work on your book on the side. If you don’t like it really, you can always quit and go back to working at your own firm. That opportunity will always be there. The DA’s Office is not hiring all the time! Do it.