get a divorce

That’s what I am. Can’t see any way out until I’ve navigated the kids through their school years, got my driver’s licence and sorted some financial problems. In the mean time, although I try to live as separately as possible I feel like I am stuck in hell.

So I think we’ve come to a custody agreement that gives us both an equal amount of time with the kids, and I haven’t had to use my lawyer yet, so thats really promising. Hopefully I won’t have to. I don’t want to go for full custody if I don’t have to, I just hope she can hold it togehter. This sucks…

This is something I’ve put off for more than five years now. We haven’t been together, and I have never even considered getting back with him in that time. I absolutely know I need a divorce. My phobias about dealing with legal matters and paperwork, along with other stresses I’ve had in those years, have combined to make this step a daunting one for me. Now I realize this legal technicality is keeping me from moving forward in important areas of my life. I can’t afford to “let this slide” forever. I need to buck up the courage and get this done.

Okay, so I found a lawyer who does non-contested divorces for a flat fee, which means we just g and tell him what we want and he does all the paperwork. Hopefully thats all we’ll need. I’m not anticipating things to get too messy though. When we split up a year or so ago we were able to stay pretty amicable with one another, and that was when life was extraordinarily stressful for both of us. After we got back together though it’s camed down quite a bit, so now that we have seperated again and both agreed that we want the divorce I think this should go pretty smoothly. Here’s hoping anyways…

We’ve been separated for almost two years, are still parenting well together, and shook hands and said, “We had a great run.” We meet each others’ new boy/girlfriends and enjoy each other’s company…

file the papers, file the papers, file the papers. Sigh. Fine.

I got a notarized copy of the complaint sent back to his lawyer last week. Then I got a letter from his lawyer asking why I hadn’t returned the documents. Whatever, lady, just check your mail. Now I just wait for the court to finalize it. In my mind, this is basically done. Just a waiting game now.

The only thing I miss is his parents money. Seriously. My car is old and dying, and it would be nice to not have to pay my own bills. Because that’s how I lived for three years. You’d think it would be great, but for a type-A person like me it was awful. I always felt like less of a person. He was more than happy to be perpetually unemployed and beg off mommy and daddy to pay the mortgage. He usually borrowed about $4k a MONTH from them. I miss the awesome vacations and the sweet perks, but I am much happier overall.

I have tried to keep this relationship together. But for some reason I don’t want to do it anymore. In July will be 9 years. I think that my husband and I want different things in life and neither one of us are willing to compromise. I am going to give it 2 months. Pay off more debt and then drop the “D” bomb.

I’ve wanted to do this for many years now, but have been putting it off for various reasons. Now, the time has come to just buckle down and do it. I’ll hopefully be going to the courthouse tomorrow to file. Now, I need to figure out what I want to do. Do I want to keep the house and try to make the farm work? Or do I want to move back closer to my family and start all over? It doesn’t exactly keep me awake at night, but it does keep me thinking through the day…

Ok, so I put this one in the “Give up” category, but apparently it’s time to dust this bad boy off an give it another go, lol.

It seems to be taking forever, but I’m almost there. I was contacted by his lawyer a few weeks ago, and I was supposed to be served the complaint sometime this week. Nothing yet, but I’m just hoping it’ll arrive early next week. I don’t know how much longer I have to wait, but it’ll be worth it.
People always ask when I first knew I needed a divorce. That’s such a funny question. Part of me knew I never should have gotten married, and I bet he did, too. I just didn’t love him at all, but I was so worried about being alone all my life that I thought it was all going to work out. We were so awful to each other, and I’m so glad this is all almost over. I’m so much happier, I feel more like myself than I have in years and years.