carpe diem

Time to really enjoy life. If not now, when? No more regrets. Leave the past behind and get on with the future. Keep a good attitude and an open mind. Appreciate all the small things. (and big things).

I carpe diem all the freaking time. But I’m tired. I do too much. I think I feel I owe it to myself and the people I love who have died. But I’m tired. However, I’m tired no matter what. If I don’t carpe diem then I’ll just be lazy on the couch or the internet at home. Where is my balance? Will I ever find it?

I’m happy that I dared to take the opportunity and pursue my dreams :)

If you can’t see the possibilities, I think one can miss out on a plethora of opportunities. I’ve been trying to consider all angles to each situation. What exactly are my options and how can I make the most of what’s standing in front of me? In other words, how can I make things work for me? I think if I can couple that with being able to create my own opportunities I can be unstoppable.

I find all the different interpretations to this goal quite interesting. I love this goal. I think if I can just get better at this one goal, it will benefit everything on my list.

I’m inspired now. I watched Dead Poets Society…

i think that seizing the day, is really what lifes about. you have to live with all the passion, and all the strength you have inside of you. learning to let go of all the small things that dont matter and just living; i think thats important.

I feel like I haven’t been living my life like I should be. I fell in this hole once before and then I climbed my way out with bare hands, bare feet, and my heart in my pocket.

Right now I’d say that heart that was once touchable is back in the hole; all by its lonesome self. And I really hate that I do this. I can’t seem to do relationships with anyone other than women.

Which sounds weird to me and a little funny(but that’s probably because of my wicked sense of humor). I can’t seem to get past my damn struggles with trusting guys. Still.

In fact, I fail so much at relationships with the opposite gender(and not just an intimate relationship- I can’t form a friendship with a guy unless he is dating one of my friends or is gay) that I actually just chased another one off.

How is that seizing the day?

In the end all of my problems resort back to this goal of mine. My problems with trusting men, my problems with just closing my eyes and not thinking about it before I jump, my problems with achieving things without feeling guilty or undeserving. All of it.

I’m going to tackle this mountain of problems starting right now. I want to be able to be the person I know I’m capable of.

I almost got there, too. I mean, not entirely(that’s what I have my entire life for, after all) but I started trusting guys and I started to let the brick wall down but then suddenly I guess I just realized I was almost there and I started panic and do what I always do- avoid everyone all the time.

And then I got really sick. And during the two weeks I was sick I lost everything I’d worked for because the avoidance had built up by then and I finally chased off my opportunities just because I was scared!

What the hell am I afraid of?
Who am I hiding from?

I know I can do better than this. I’ve actually managed to let myself down a little on this one. Here I thought I was finally getting somewhere- after I spent all that time mending my past and licking my own wounds I recently had the time and opportunity to grow into a better, more open-minded person.

Not only am I capable of doing better than this, I am better than this. It’s time to put myself in gear with a blindfold on and the windows rolled down going at a speed I don’t even know. I need to break down the wall I’ve built back up and stop checking my mirrors so often.

To anyone else struggling with themselves in the ways I am- I wish you all the best. I’m going to do this- I’m going to seize the day. So can you.

Carpe Diem.

<3

I’m marking this off as complete. As of recent, I’ve been learning not to take life for granted so much.

Yes.